


Carol

by Crystalcatgamer



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Family Dynamics, Fluff and Angst, Gen, God why do i like writing angst-filled fics so much, I mean we are talking bout Illumi, Killua is a good boy, M/M, Myfavouritecolourismorallygray, No beta we die like the people Illumi killed, Ooc Ilumi Zoldyck, Possessive Behavior, References to Depression, Tell me if I miss tags, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Trans Alluka Zoldyck, Unhealthy Relationships, damm the Zoldycks should have an reality show, halp, kind of?, nothing is black and white
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:08:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 31,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25162891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystalcatgamer/pseuds/Crystalcatgamer
Summary: She was a bird in a golden cage whose door was once open. But then he had started to change, and she was placed under lock and key.The door opened after long, but she never once left him, for she knows he will hunt her down. What's more, she cares too, and thus does not resent him.But when Killua, the only thing safe in her world escapes and brings her along, she meets people beyond her wildest dreams.However, will she be able to stay free?Or will she be trapped once again, in her golden prison?
Relationships: Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Hisoka & Illumi Zoldyck, Hisoka x machi if you squint, Illumi Zoldyck/Original Female Character(s), Killua Zoldyck & Illumi Zoldyck, Killua Zoldyck/Original Female Character(s), Original Female Character & Everyone
Comments: 50
Kudos: 163





	1. Prolouge

She awoke to 3 things.

  
A cold stone floor.

The pressure behind her eyes.

And the horrifying darkness.

Something must be covering her eyes, because it was far, far too dark. She prodded at her face, but felt nothing on it. She frowned and realised her eyes were shut, so she opened them.

_Nothing changed._

She started to breathe heavily, whipping her head back and forth but still confronted with inky blackness.

 **It was just really dark,** she tried to convince herself.

Nothing to do with the pain in her head and the hollow feeling where her eyes should be. She snapped her head up as an door opened somewhere, and an familiar voice sounded.

"How are you feeling?" The monotone voice of Illumi cut through the air. She sighed in relief and groped around blindly for him. Illumi would help her, he was her friend after all.  
She felt a hand grasp hers comfortably and relaxed. Soon, she became aware of muttering sounds, but it took longer to realize it came from her.

_Whycan'tIseeWhycan'tIseeWhycan'tIseeWhycan'tIseeWhycan'tIseeWhycan'tIseeWhycan'tIsee_

She trembled, feeling a cold hand rest on her head.

"It's alright. You're living in my house now. I apologize for your eyes. My mother wanted you to pay a price and insurance so you wouldn't leave." She flinched violently but Illumi's cold hand held fast, and suddenly it wasn't so comforting anymore.

"W-why? And what about my mom?" She croaked out, shivering at the complete change in her friend.

"She died in a car accident, remember? I took you in." Illumi spoke, pulling her to her feet. She shook like a newborn fawn, memories hitting her in a rush.

_Cars screeching._

_The horrible smell of burnt rubber._

_Cold hands scooping her up and carrying her away._

"My eyes." She whimpered as Illumi fastened some kind of silk around her head where her eyes should be.

"You'll live. I'll be here to guide you. It wasn't easy getting you here, but because you have potential my father agreed. Now we can be...'friends'." Illumi pronounced friends strangely, like he had never said it before. She knew that for all her insistence that they couldn't be described as anything but friends, the emotionless boy had yet to agree or say it.

"Y-you won't hurt me r-right?" She asked, terrified of the answer. "Of course not, why would I do that. Just make sure you don't cause trouble, and everything will be fine." Illumi sounded genuinely surprised by her question, and almost...indignant at it? She nodded, deciding she would stay here, since Illumi never lied to her.

"Good, we'll have fun together like we always did. I'll teach you how to fight even blind, though I will be there to protect you." She tilted her head, remembering what he said a long time ago, that his family were assassins. She believed, it because she saw a killer in Illumi's eyes and the way he moved. Well, it was mostly because they met when Illumi was killing someone, but that was fine too.

She shivered, banishing the horror deep in her at what Illumi had done to her. Illumi had saved her when she should be homeless, and her eyes was merely the rent for it.

Besides, she never had much regard for human life, and had no problem with ending it. It disturbed her deep down, dismissing something like that, and it made her sad afterwards due to that. But Illumi dispelled the guilt, since she didn't run when she found him with a corpse, drawing him to her. They became friends after a fashion, and she even suggested he used needles instead of knives. She shook free of the thoughts, and turned to Illumi's general direction.

"Let's go Carol." Illumi said, and Carol imagined a smile forming on his face.


	2. When I was nine

**Carol was 9 when she met Illumi. So blissfully unaware of the consequences.**

She was going around, delivering the sweet goods she and her mother made till late at night. She took a shortcut home through an alleyway and there he was, face splattered with blood and standing over a body.

Carol dodged as the boy threw a knife at her, and skipped forward to inspect the body.

"Hm, the cut was clean, but you really should have checked your surroundings. A lot of people use this alleyway at night." She said calmly, like this happened everyday. She turned to the boy, who staring at her in surprise.

"Why aren't you afraid?" The boy finally spoke, causing Carol to blink. "Should I be? It's just death." She replied nonchalantly, digging in her pocket for a handkerchief and offering it to him. The boy stared at it for a moment before taking it, cleaning the blood on his face.

"I'll give it back when I clean it." He said stiffly, his blank eyes boring into her. Carol didn't blink and asked, "What's your name? I'm Carol." The boy stared at her for a long moment, blinking slowly at her.

"Illumi." He said finally before he turned and vanished. Carol cocked her head before hurrying back home, wondering who the new boy was.

For a long time, Carol was so busy she practically forgot about him after the first few days of searching. It wasn't until a few weeks later when she reached for her handkerchief and remembered the black haired boy with almond shaped eyes.

She searched for him, already deducing he must have been visiting, since she never saw him before. Whether it was to kill that man from all those weeks ago or more, Carol didn't have the faintest idea.

Then one day, while walking through the alleyway again, Illumi jumped down from above and offered her her handkerchief. She blinked once and took it, studying the boy.

He had short black hair, and wore a simple hoodie and pants. He was most likely around her age, and his eyes were interesting. Carol had seen far more than she should have and knew a highly trained killer when she saw one.

"It's been a while. What are you doing here?" Carol offered, a smile on her face. "A job." Illumi replied, staring at her.

She raised an eyebrow at the choice of words before digging through her basket, the one she put all her personally made treats. She pulled out her favorite, taiyaki, and offered it to Illumi.

He stared at her, obvious distrust on his face at the strange treat. Carol rolled her eyes and broke it unevenly before putting one part in her mouth and offering it once more.

Illumi took it hesitantly, turning it around in his hands before taking a bite. Carol watched in interest as his normally emotionless face twisted into a slight grimace, and giggled when he shoved it back into her hands.

"Too sweet for you?" She teased, popping the taiyaki into her mouth. Illumi nodded, causing her to dig into her basket once more. She pulled out a second taiyaki, this one without sugar, instead relying on the adzuki bean paste's natural sweetness.

"Don't worry, I didn't put any sugar." She added as Illumi eyed the treat distastefully. He took it cautiously, nibbling this time.

Carol watched contentedly as his eyes widened and he began to eat it with more enthusiasm. It was always nice to find another taiyaki lover. Illumi finished his treat and turned to her, a slight frown on his face.

"I'll see you next time when I'm around, I guess." Illumi said, already turning to leave when Carol grabbed his sleeve.

She yelped, narrowly dodging the punch that came at her, holding up her arms in surrender. Illumi studied her before lowering his arms, watching as she rummaged through her basket.

"For the road." Carol said, shoving a bunch of taiyakis into his arms. Illumi stumbled, surprised by her sudden strength but didn't drop the taiyakis.

He nodded to her before leaving and Carol tilted her head, wondering when they would meet. It wasn't long actually. Illumi came more often, every couple of weeks or so.

Carol would find him waiting in the alleyway, and after she gave him his taiyaki she would drag him around, showing him the Yorknew city. Illumi always wore an expressionless look, but once in a while Carol would show him something amazing, and then his eyes would light up.

Half the time Carol would drag him to a quiet place or even run all the way to the nearest woods and eat their treats peacefully.

She gave him more treats, but he always stuck to taiyaki. Carol found him relaxing slightly in her company and talking about his family after some prodding.

"Eh? Your whole family are a bunch of assassins?" Carol asked, tilting her head as Illumi nodded.

"And you're the heir...must be tough with all those expectations." Illumi stared at her with a look of disbelief, clearly not expecting that answer.

"Yeah. My mother is going to give birth to my second little brother soon, so maybe that will take of some pressure." He replied, leaning against a nearby tree.

Carol hummed, wondering if she would get to see this brother. Maybe she could have him to take a picture. Carol grinned, playfully shoving Illumi and danced away as he lunged after her. She laughed as they ran, although Illumi always caught her because he was so fast.

Carol hummed as they sat together, wishing this would stay the same. It didn't, of course, with the kidnapping and everything.

_But you keep reading, despite the obvious warnings that this will not be all rainbows and sparkles._

_Because deep down, we all want a less than happy ending._

_And if you say you don't, well._

**_Keep on lying then._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment!


	3. Killua

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> killua is adorable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop I'm back. Thanks to those people who checked out this work and even liked it!

**Carol was 10 when Killua was born.**

Her life changed the moment she heard the soft crying of the baby. It had been a messy birth, she was told.

She had been standing nearby, because as far as the Zoldycks were concerned, she was family. She wasn't a servant, and no one dared to say she was a friend, so that's what she became.

She had sang for Kikyou, because it always calmed others down when she did. That was why she was named Carol, for her warbling had sounded melodious not long after she was born.

Eventually, Carol was presented Killua first after he was fed, her honor as the only female after Kikyou in the family. She held him carefully, weeks of blindness sharpening her other senses, and she felt the baby's softness. She cradled his head, feeling the tuft of hair there.

Kikyou had told her in hushed tones that the baby had white hair, and was destined to be the heir. Briefly, she wondered how Illumi would feel about that before turning back to the baby. Killua was his name, so she whispered it to him. Killua gurgled happily at her words and clung to her as he was taken to bed

She wandered the mansion, asking the butlers for where Illumi was. She found him at a balcony and carefully made her way over.

"Have you heard the news?" She asked, causing Illumi to turn to her, hair rustling. "Yes." Carol winced at his tone, imagining Illumi must feel like he was cast away.

"Let's see him next time. I'm sure you'll love him." She could practically feel the skepticism radiating of the boy and giggled as she remembered how bad he was with kids. After some pestering, he agreed to see Killua in a few months, when he was stronger. Carol hushed Illumi as they slipped into Killua's room, dismissing the butlers tending to him.

Carol could hear Killua cooing at the sight of her before cutting off. Most likely due to Illumi staring at him with his disturbing eyes. She didn't think so, but Killua was an newborn. Carol startled as the baby started giggling happily, and as she picked him up, she could feel him stretching towards Illumi. She felt a grin form on her face as she turned to Illumi, carefully holding Killua out.

There was a long silence before Illumi's arms encircled Killua's tiny body hesitantly, slowly taking him. Carol reached out and placed her hand on his arm, adjusting it and instructing him how to hold Killua. Soon Killua was gurgling happily and there was slight awe in Illumi's tone as he reported about the happy baby clinging to his chest. Carol felt her grin stretching at the bond forming between the two. This was good.

She barely managed to drag Illumi from Killua by threatening to cut off his taiyaki supply for weeks before he caved. Killua cried too and it took forever to calm him down. Later that day, they sat at the pavilion, reveling in the silence.

"What do you think about Killua?" Carol prompted, already knowing the answer as she fiddled with the blindfold on her head. It was was much simpler than some of the blindfolds she was given, some even laced with jewels.

"He's perfect." Carol turned to Illumi at the strange strain in his voice. It took her a moment to realize it was affection, and she shrieked in delight. Illumi immediately tensed, springing to his feet before Carol reassured that it was alright.

"I'm just so glad you love little Killua so much!" Carol giggled as she explained.

"I do not 'love' that child." Illumi replied, but she could hear the uncertainty in his tone. She smiled again, reaching out to crush him into an hug. Illumi stiffened before relaxing, remembering this was another part of friendship. Carol released him and grinned, delighted with the change in her friend.

The next day, they went back to Killua's room. Kikyou had berated them, but soon stopped at the obvious bond between Killua and Illumi. Illumi wasn't as strict with Killua, and had the patience of a saint that was usually reserved for her when Killua was whining or slobbering over him. Killua was soon all about Illumi and Carol.

* * *

"C'mon, you can do it. Say Illu-ni." Carol encouraged the 11 month-old baby before her. "Illu!" Killua warbled, causing a smile to appear on her face.

"Good enough." She decided, carefully picking him up and leaving the room. The butlers followed closely behind, and Carol noted one of them was Gotoh, who had become close to Killua. She hummed, seeking out Illumi.

She soon found him with his mother, who was having another baby and showing it with her slightly swollen belly. Carol located Illumi's general direction and walked slowly to him. She didn't have a cane like most blind people, because it showed weakness among the assassins. She didn't mind, since she liked the challenge. She stopped and presented Killua to Illumi, who took him without hesitation.

"Illu!" Killua cried, and Carol grinned at the audible gasp from Kikyou, signaling a smile from Illumi.

"Yes, what is it?" Illumi asked, causing the child to giggle. "Illu! Illu! Uh, Caro!" Killua cried out and turned to her, hair rustling.

Carol startled and took a step towards him, smiling as the baby started to chant for his mother.

"Oh, Killu is so adorable! Come here, Mommy loves you too." Kikyou took the baby from an reluctant Illumi and seemed to tickle him, if the laughter was any indication.

Carol turned around at the sound of footsteps, and a whispered "Milluki." from Illumi caused her to walk that way.

She crouched down a few steps away from Milluki, offering a hand. There was a small silence punctuated by Kikyou's cooing and Killua's happy gurgling. She felt Milluki's hand cautiously rest in hers and she offered the 5 year old a winning smile before lifting him up.

There was a startled cry from Milluki which turned into laughter as she swung him around, Illumi watching nearby. His hand reached out to rest on her shoulder and she turned, offering Milluki to Illumi. Milluki tensed, nervous thanks to Illumi's stare. Killua never seemed disturbed, but considering that Milluki saw far less of Illumi's gentle side, the fear wasn't surprising.

Illumi's hands reached out and encircled the boy's waist, lifting Milluki up to his shoulders. Milluki laughed, an breathless, disbelieving sound. Killua laughed too, demanding that Illumi pick him up too and his orders were happily received. Carol smiled, happy to see her family getting along.

* * *

Carol prowled the hallways, trying to find the presence she had felt earlier. She startled and sprang back just as a figure appeared at the spot she had been moments before. The figure moved and Carol immediately felt an overwhelming yet familiar aura.

She dropped to one knee, recognizing the figure as Silva, the head of this house. She had met him once, when she came to the mansion before he left for months on a job. He came back to see Killua, but Carol was too busy to meet him. Silva strode towards her, stopping before her.

"Stand up." He commanded, and she rose. He appeared to be inspecting her, most likely about her fighting potential.

"H-how may I address you sir?" She asked hesitantly when Silva turned to leave.

"...You have proven worthy, so you may call me Father if you wish." He replied before leaving.

Carol blinked over non-existent eyes (She winced and banished the thought) and breathed out in relief that Sli-Father decided she was worthy of being a Zoldyck. She walked back to her rooms, feeling drained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment so I know what you think!


	4. Alluka

**Carol was 11 when Alluka was born.**

Once again she was there, and she was given the baby. She looked at it and felt strange. She could picture the baby, with blue eyes just like Killua's but black hair. She hummed, cupping the baby's cheek.

"His name will be Alluka." Kikyou whispered to her. Once again, Carol felt strange at the girlish name. She shook it off and brought him to Illumi, waiting for the same spark when he met Killua. Illumi stared down at the baby and took it, swaying gently. Alluka gurgled and giggled, an high pitched sound. Carol tilted her head, unable to shake off the strange feeling while Illumi did not seem to react to the baby.

Months later, Alluka was brought to the one year old Killua. They hit it off, becoming fast friends. Kikyou had an playground built on top a nearby hill, with stairs leading up to it and Carol and Illumi would often be made to carry the babies up the stairs. Carol sat near the sandbox, hearing the two children play happily together. She was dragged in and showed them how to make sandcastles.

She wondered where Illumi was, and realized he had not gone to see Alluka in a while. It was apparent that Illumi did not hold the same amount of affection for Alluka he had for Killua. Carol left the children under the butlers' care and went off in search of Illumi. She found him sulking of all things in his room, staring out of the window.

"Illumi~" She sang as she stood beside him. "I'm not sulking." Illumi replied, not looking at her. Carol chuckled at the moodiness in his tone, an obvious indication of sulking.

"C'mon, Kil has been missing his big brother." She nudged him, finally provoking an response. "Well, he seems to be just fine with Alluka and you." Carol tilted her head, analyzing his words. Illumi showed far more in his words than most people saw, so she became like a translator. Yet, was there jealousy she heard?, Well, Killua had been spending more time with Alluka, often not noticing when Illumi came. Of course, Killua still adored Illumi, but he was busy.

Carol had her hands full with entertaining them as well, and she had been getting a few jobs despite her 'condition'. So they might have been neglecting Illumi just a bit. She grinned, grabbing Illumi's sleeve and tugged him to the playground. He protested of course, but Carol knew if he really wanted he could get free. She shoved him towards Killua and Alluka, who eagerly pulled him into whatever game they were playing. She listened to the babies babble nonsense, occasionally accompanied by a "Illu-ni!".

* * *

Carol cooed to Killua as she prepared his milk, giggling at his demands for his milk. She brought the bottle to his lips and smiled as Killua began drinking eagerly. Carol startled as Killua began choking on the milk. Panicking, she patted his back and called for Illumi, who appeared soon.

"Ah, it seems that Mother had started poison training." Illumi commented, calling for one of the butlers to bring the antidote. Carol listened to Killua cough weakly, remembering what Illumi had said that he was trained to be immune to poison. Of course, she had been given poison when she first ate here too, and handled it relatively better due to cases when she had food poisoning. Hey, the part of town she lived it wasn't the best, ~~and she has been fed sedatives for ransom since she was rather well off~~.

So she had simply swallowed the food and smiled pleasantly as Kikyou praised her tolerance. Still, to think that the Zoldycks were trained to receive poison at the tender age of 1 and more... She didn't notice the slight crack she heard and simply frowned at the slight headache that hit her. Carol hastily fed Killua the antidote when it came before passing him to Illumi. Illumi stroked Killua's head, causing him to fall asleep. She breathed a sigh of relief and tucked the baby in, leaving the room with Illumi.

"You never told me you started poison training so early." She stated, wondering if Illumi had choked like Killua did and Milluki most likely. Milluki was five, so she had missed his first dose. Now that she thought about it, his food was poisoned too, wasn't it? Carol hummed, awaiting Illumi's answer.

"Yeah, us Zoldycks usually start it around Killua's age. Mother makes special poisons just for us, so she can improve our resistance to special poisons." Illumi replied, twirling his hair. She frowned, going to find Milluki. The boy had been interested in technology lately, spending most of his time in his room.

* * *

Carol was currently stabbing someone. It was nighttime and they were in a rarely used alleyway. The man dropped from the deadly poison on her blade and turned as Illumi appeared. "Let's go." She nodded, anxious to get back home where everything was more familiar and she could walk without fear of hitting something. They soon reached home, and Killua was there, running- well, stumbling really - towards to them, Alluka being carried Gotoh behind.

"Illu-ni! Car-nee!" Killua cried, launching himself into Illumi's arms. Carol sighed at the nickname and listened to Alluka babble about what happened when they were gone. Suddenly, Mike was there, coming forward to sniff Alluka. Oh right, they haven't introduced them.

"Mikey!" Killua exclaimed, wiggling out of Illumi's arms and going to the huge beast. Alluka trembled, hiding in Gotoh's arms. Carol took him and smiled gently, gesturing to where Killua was talking excitably to Mike, showing no fear. Alluka stared at the dog(?) and asked to be put down. He toddled up to Mike, who lowered his head to sniff him, memorizing his scent.

Alluka giggled as Mike blew gently on him, joined by Killua who introduced the two. Carol walked over as well, reaching out to rest an hand on Mike's head. She smiled as Mike nudged her, and had Gotoh bring the beast's lunch. Mike sat down, patiently allowing the younger Zoldycks to climb onto his back. Milluki soon appeared, greeting Mike before talking to Carol about the new invention he made. She shushed him, remembering she had yet to make this week's taiyaki.

"Later, alright?" She said distractedly before leaving, not seeing Milluki's face fall. She never did see what he made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, comment?


	5. Nen

**Carol was 12 when she learned Nen.**

"Nen?" She asked Silva curiously, Illumi by her side. "Yes, basically, it is your life force. Your grandfather will teach you more, but for now here's how you will be able to use Nen. Don't dodge." Silva warned, forming a fist. Carol couldn't see, but his fighting presence/bloodlust was trained on her arm. She locked down her body, tuning out the voice that screamed to run and braced herself. Silva's fist slammed into her shoulder, and heard a slight crack as she was thrown backwards. She righted herself and landed in a crouch before registering the pain blooming on her shoulder. Carol whimpered, cradling her arm as Illumi checked her for internal damage.

"This is the Zoldyck way of opening your Nen pores. Deal with the pain. Now, go to Zeno to learn the basics of using Nen." Silva commanded, pulling her up and ushering her and Illumi along.

Weeks later, they were ready to do water divination. Silva and Zeno watched, and Carol knew they wanted something special. Illumi focused his Nen and the leaf started to move, floating around in a circle at a quick pace. Zeno nodded and Illumi stepped back, taking the title of Manipulator. Carol stepped forward and allowed the Nen to surge to her hands. When nothing happened, she tasted the water. "It tastes like syrup." She reported as Illumi tasted it too and nodded.

"That means you are a Transmuter then." Zeno commented, sounding pleased. "Go along and figure out your specialties now." Zeno said, shooing them away.

The two went to the living room, wondering what to do.

"Hey, Manipulators control things special to them, so you could maybe control your needles." Carol suggested, causing Illumi to dig out an needle. He closed his eyes, feeding Nen into the needle. "I can't control it, but..." Illumi frowned and called for an butler. With a flick, the needle entered the man's head. The man then walked in a circle around Illumi and Carol. "What did you do?" She asked, noting that that the man was dead and moved jerkily.

"I told the needle to move in a circle around me, and somehow I felt like sticking it in somebody? Anyway, I can't control the needle, but if I stick it in someone I can control them." Illumi spoke, shrugging. Carol hummed as Illumi reached out to remove the needle. This skill could be useful. She wondered what skill she would have. Carol hummed, letting Nen surge into her hand. She tilted her head, wondering what she could do with it. "Well, I'm gonna go experiment. See you later." Carol snapped out of her thoughts as Illumi stood up and left. She tilted her head, hoping her ability came soon.

A month later, she still had no ability. She could tell Father was irritated while Grandfather did not speak. Carol knew that logically normal Nen users usually took months to get an ability. But she was not normal and neither were the Zoldycks. The fact her Nen ability was not here yet was disgraceful. She frowned and left the mansion, going to visit Mike.

"What am I going to do Mike? I have to do my part, or I won't be worthy of the Zoldyck name." Carol sighed, lying on the ground next to the dog. The Zoldycks prioritized efficiency and power in their missions and excelled in it thanks to Nen. She groaned, wondering how she was going to get her Nen ability. Suddenly, Mike growled and she tilted her head, hearing voices beyond the Testing Gate. Oh, the tour bus was here early and Mike's lunch wasn't due yet. She ordered Mike to stay, waiting for the intruders. The side gate slammed open and Mike tensed, but Carol stopped him. A group of 50 or so men stomped in and froze at the sight of Mike. She folded her arms, wondering when they would notice her. She fiddled with her snow white hair, another reason she had been accepted as an Zoldyck.

"Hey, could you please leave? This is private property." Carol called out, keeping her voice pleasant. The group stared at her and burst out laughing, annoying her. "What's a pretty girl like you doing here? If you're a Zoldyck, then you must be the weakest one!" One of the men laughed. She sighed and with a flick of her wrist, embedded an poisoned dagger in the head of the man. He didn't cry out, but their friends sure did.

With an howl, half of the group charged her, brandishing knives and clubs. She took out an small notebook from her pocket and ripped off the pages, infusing them with Nen. She listened for the men charging her and threw the pages with deadly precision, hitting vital spots. The men dropped, and the remaining group hesitated. Smart. She ran forward, weaving through the attacks and killing or just knocking out the men. Mike liked his food fresh or killed himself. Carol grinned, knowing it looked eerie and looked at the leader.

"Don't be cowards!" The leader roared, causing the rest to go forward reluctantly. She noted this men glowed with Nen and used Ten as well, startling them. Carol drew the sword she kept at her hip and decapitated one of the men. She rearranged the bones in her hand to form claws and tore through two of the men, taking their hearts and tossing them at the rest. They screamed and she clapped for Mike, causing him to lunge forward to snap the men up in his jaws. Just in time for his lunch. She walked towards the leader, smiling pleasantly.

Surprisingly, he didn't seem afraid and simply drew twin swords. Carol startled as the man lunged forward, dodging to the side. The man spun and swung at her, fast with Nen. This man was more skilled in Nen than she thought. She gasped as the man sliced her arm, making use of her lack of focus. She scowled and sliced the man right back, gouging marks on his arm. The man roared and exchanged an flurry of blows while Carol defended. Nen was good against hand-to-hand combat, but sharp weapons were one of it's weakness. The sword met more resistance sure, but it would cut all the same if your Ten wasn't strong enough.

An arm grabbed her from behind and she turned to find one of the men she thought dead. Mike killed him swiftly, but the leader had stabbed her in the arm while she was distracted. She did not scream and kicked him the gut, grimacing at the pain but forcing it down. What good was she if she couldn't even kill an intruder? She snarled and Nen surged through her body, thrumming under her skin.

She ripped off her blindfold for no reason, feeling the Nen swirl behind her sockets. She opened her eyes and shivered at the air that brushed her empty sockets. It had hurt once, but Illumi had cauterized her wounds and made sure to remove possible infection. The first few weeks were awful and she had been consumed by _~~painpainpain~~_. She shook away the thought and stared at the man. He screamed, scrambling away from her and grabbing his swords.

Carol clutched her head, because suddenly she had an headache and she wanted it to stop! She howled, and some sort of liquid poured out of her eyes. It was some sort of Nen but she had no time to think about it. The liquid continued to flow and she realized, she could sense the liquid and her hand moved of her own accord. She let her instincts guide her, forming an sword with the strange liquid. Carol advanced on the trembling man, who swung her sword wildly at her, the blade whistling through the air. She sliced it in half with her Nen(?) blade, and stabbed the man through the eye. She fell to her knees, feeling drained as her sword dissolved. The liquid didn't flow back into her eyes but sink into the soil somehow. What was that? It was like Nen, yet it seemed more.

"Mike..." Carol called, her voice hoarse. Mike trotted towards her, dropping her blindfold into her lap. Her head snapped up at the crunch of leaves nearby.

"Carol? What happened?" Illumi asked, kneeling beside her. Her head was bowed, and she fumbled with her blindfold, tying it back. Illumi hovered as she carefully stood up.

"I...have a Nen ability." She spoke softly as Illumi bandaged her wounds. "Really? About time honestly. What is it?" Illumi asked as they started walking back. Carol paused, unsure of how to respond. She stopped and turned on her En, searching for a trace of the strange liquid from before. She found it, lurking deep underneath, and she pulled on it somehow, causing it to seep out of the ground. Illumi hummed, observing the orb of liquid hovering above her hand.

"It looks like ink, but what can it do?" Illumi asked, turning to her. Carol tilted her head and formed an picture in her mind, an black, inky substance taking the shape of a sword. It was harder than before, but that was most likely due to adrenaline. Illumi shifted as the Nen sword dropped into her hand, and she tested it's weight. The hilt seemed solid, but the blade seemed to be liquid? "It came from my eyes." Her voice was hushed, but Illumi stiffened anyway. Illumi didn't like being reminded of her eyes or the fact it was because of him.

"My Nen went to my eyes and then this ink poured out. It didn't hurt, but I feel tired. Looks I can reuse it too." She hurriedly explained as Illumi kept silent. "Alright." Carol startled as he spoke. "Let's tell Father." Illumi spoke tonelessly as they reached the mansion. Silva was impressed. So impressed that she was told to make more of the liquid, which she called Onyx, to have more at hand, lurking below the surface. The effort knocked her out for a day, but she was told to make more.


	6. Hisoka

**Carol was 13 when she met someone strange.**

"Hey, why could you use Nen before me?" Carol asked Illumi as they prowled the streets.

"Father hit me earlier because I could handle it, while you needed training. Now focus on the mission." Illumi replied tonelessly as he looked around.

They were currently on a joint mission, and were hired to kill a serial killer named John Doe. The irony. The two of them had come together because he was powerful and were currently collecting info because Illumi liked to be prepared. John Doe only came out at night, so they were trying to pinpoint where he would strike first. An hour later, something caught her attention.

"Illumi, there's a carnival!" She said excitedly, hearing laughing children and smelling cotton candy. "Yes, and a circus. Why is this important?" Carol turned to him and gave him a horrified look, although it was hard without eyes

"You can't even see it. What's the point?"

Okay, that was low. She put her hands on her hips and stared at Illumi until he relented.

"Fine, we can go." Illumi sighed and grabbed her before she could take off running. "Let's go to the circus!" She exclaimed excitedly, pulling along an glum Illumi.

They were drawing stares as they walked around. Illumi looked fairly normal with his hoodie, despite his strange eyes. She drew more attention, since she wore an blindfold instead of the usual sunglasses and didn't have a cane. Yet, she moved like she could see, side-stepping obstacles or people before being notified of their presence. She didn't act like a normal blind person at all.

Carol ignored them, knowing they meant no real harm. They bought tickets to the circus and sat, drawing more stares because how would a blind person watch a circus? The show began and she listened carefully to the footsteps and breathing of the performers, from the change in air flow and the rustle of hair.

Using her hearing, she painted an picture in her mind, and supposed she was lucky. At the very least, she had hearing and En, and knew how things were supposed to look like so she could make a picture.

Carol startled as she felt the distinct use of Nen. When she started using Nen, she found she could feel when Nen was being used. Father had been impressed by the skill. Carol turned on her En and found an elderly man and two kids older than her, an boy and an girl.

The elderly man was using Nen to move better, and she was sure that he noticed her En. Carol ignored the man's gaze and turned her attention to the teens. The girl wasn't using it, but the boy's aura was in Ten. She tilted her head as the boy turned to her. She didn't need to see to know the boy was smirking at her. Carol nudged Illumi and they left.

* * *

Later at night, the two were staking out on the rooftop and discussing the Nen users.

"I don't like the looks of them. The girl is passable, but the boy especially..." Illumi didn't finish but Carol knew. The moment the boy looked at her, she instantly knew the boy was not normal. The elderly man was an murderer, and possibly John Doe.

Carol hummed as she cast her En far and wide. They knew John Doe could use Nen, but how he looked like was an different story, since he constantly changed his disguise. She found someone with Nen assaulting the girl from the circus and noticed another presence before taking off with Illumi.

They arrived and found the boy from the circus attacking John Doe, springing them into action. Illumi threw his needles at the killer while she looked over the girl. "I-I'm fine." The girl managed to stutter out so Carol to turn back to the fight. John Doe pulled out Illumi's needles easily, shocking them while the boy slashed John's eye, causing the man to flee.

"Hm, it didn't feel like I really hit him." Carol heard him muse quietly. She turned to Illumi, who was staring after the man. "He didn't mind your needles." She spoke quietly, feeling the annoyance rolling off Illumi.

"There's something off about him." Illumi commented as the boy walked towards them. "Hello, care to explain who you are? I saw you at the show." The boy spoke, eyeing them curiously.

"We have a job involving that man earlier." Illumi spoke in an clipped tone, itching to get away.

"Oh? If so, I know something, but would like an favor in return. My name is Hisoka by the way." Hisoka all but purred, staring at them with an disturbing intensity. Not that Carol noticed since she was busy thinking and making sure Illumi didn't interfere.

"I'm Carol, and this is Illumi. What do you want in return?" Hisoka's grin widened. "Just a spar." Hisoka replied as he wrote something on a card.

"Alright, what do you have?" Carol asked as Hisoka stood next to her, prompting an glare from Illumi. Hisoka handed the card to Illumi, smirking despite the hostility. Hisoka left with the girl, and once they were gone Carol and Illumi ran far away. They discussed it before finally agreeing to go to the location on the date written on the card.

* * *

Carol hummed as she rocked back and forth on her heels while she and Illumi spied on the pair across the road on an rooftop. One was the elderly man and Hisoka. Carol listened to them chat, wondering how long this was going to last. They tensed as the man suddenly stood, tension rising between the pair across the roof. She leapt and landed gracefully on the rooftop, Illumi following close behind.

"If you don't mind, I would like to fight him alone." Hisoka spoke, eyes moving to them. She nodded and sat down, wondering how this would go. Carol nudged Illumi as the old man started talking about his past.

"Tell me if you see anything." She whispered, earning an nod from Illumi as he started using Gyo. Gyo was the only Nen skill she had no hopes of using. While she had En as a substitute, Gyo would let her notice more, such as Nen being used in an special way.

"Hisoka's Nen is stretching into some sort of rubbery substance. He might be an Transmuter like you. I don't like the aura his Nen gives off. Oh, it sticks to humans apparently." Illumi added as the elder cried out.

Carol frowned, knowing she would be at an disadvantage if she couldn't see Hisoka's ability. She flared her En, trying to sense the thread of reddish pink Nen that Illumi described. She could sense an unpleasant feeling in the air, but it was hard to pinpoint the location. Carol sighed just as Hisoka killed the elder without an hint of remorse.

"How was that, my dear audience?" Hisoka purred as he bowed. Carol clapped enthusiastically while Illumi shot Hisoka an dry look. Hisoka didn't react and started pestering them to have their spar.

Carol barely won, have just enough strength to keep herself from being pulled towards Hisoka. She used Onyx to wrap around Hisoka and threw him off the roof. He landed perfectly and was back up in moments, grinning at her. Carol and Illumi looked at each other as Hisoka started giving off an disturbing aura. It seemed that they had encountered an troublesome person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave an comment!


	7. Punishment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: MENTION OF TORTURE BEFORE AND AFTER THE UNDERLINED WORDS 'Carol felt an malicious aura and awoke to find herself chained to an wall.' AND 'Carol felt dread pooling in her stomach.'

**Carol was 14 when it started.**

Carol startled as she felt an small hand grip the hem of her kimono. Kikyou had made her wear it for some reason, most likely to dress her up.

She looked down to see an small Kalluto peering up at her. Kikyou absolutely adored Kalluto and kept him close at all times, so it was an shock to see them separated.

"Why are you here?" She chided the year old baby. She had missed the boy's birth, having been away on an month long mission. Carol still loved the boy, despite the fact he was rather quiet. She scooped him up, knowing Kikyou would be irritated if he wasn't returned. "Illumi! Have you seen Mother?" Carol called as she caught sight of the teen in the living room.

"No, she's probably with Kill. What are you wearing anyway?" Illumi replied, tilting his head at her odd style. Usually Carol wore flowing dresses, and considered kimonos restricting. "What do you think?" She retorted, sitting on the couch beside him. She shifted, plopping Kalluto in between them, who was still silent.

"Why do you have Kalluto?" Illumi asked as he placed an hand on the boy's head. "He found me. I didn't notice him, he was so quiet." They watched/listened as Kalluto tried to crawl into Illumi's lap. Illumi lifted him to his destination.

"You know, he reminds me of you." Carol remarked, remembering how Kalluto was described. As if on cue, the two turned to look at her, and she knew they most likely had twin expressions of confusion on them. She chuckled and raised her hand, allowing some Onyx to seep from the ground and fly into her hand.

Once she made Onyx, it didn't dissolve, not even with fire. You could freeze it, but eventually the ice would melt or crack and the Onyx would go to her. It followed her underground everywhere, and if there was open space underneath Carol it would spread out to continue staying in the ground. At the moment, she had enough to fill up an room.

Kalluto watched wide-eyed as she shaped the Onyx into an black horse. She concentrated for an moment and grinned at the soft gasp from Kalluto. The horse had hopped off Carol's hand and was walking slowly towards Kalluto, its motions fluid and graceful. Illumi said if she didn't concentrate, he could see the liquid rippling across whatever she had made. It had taken an while, but then she tried making the Onyx into living things and told them to move.

She couldn't tell when they moved, strangely, but knew they were following her orders. The ability had caused them to doubt her Nen type, her skill suiting an Manipulator more. An retaking of the test told her she was still an Transmuter, however.

"That never fails to fascinate me." Illumi spoke as the horse tossed it's head. Carol hummed and reached out an hand, lightly pushing down on the horse's back. There was an slight tingle as she concentrated, and then her finger met resistance. Kalluto gasped and picked up the horse, which squirmed in protest. Carol smiled as Kalluto tried to give it back to her and shook her head, returning it to Kalluto.

The creations would disappear if it wasn't given commands for an day or she didn't dismiss it. She could just give in an order to follow Kalluto, which she did, although that made the horse fragile and likely to just return if faced with an obstacle.

"For me?" Kalluto whispered, cradling the horse. Carol nodded, smiling at her before whipping her head around.

There stood Kikyou, her visor flashing from where she stood in the shadows of the corridor. "Come here Kalluto." She called, her voice sickeningly sweet. Kalluto obliged, going to his mother's side while Carol and Illumi stood up.

Their relationship had improved as Carol assisted with Kikyou's births, and had been the daughter she always wanted. However, at times like this, she was reminded that she was not an trueborn Zoldyck, despite her snow-white hair and potential. "Let's go Kalluto." Kikyou said suddenly, turning around and leaving. Kalluto hesitated and whispered an goodbye before hurrying after his mother. Carol let out an breath while Illumi sighed.

"...Wanna go use the kitchen?" Carol suggested, wanting to try out new recipes. Illumi had yet to go with her, saying that it wasn't something an Zoldyck did. "Are we making taiyaki?" Carol startled at the soft question, freezing up. She nodded dumbly and heard Illumi turn in the direction of the kitchen, his footsteps near silent. She snapped out of it and hurried after him, smiling slightly.

* * *

"What is that, Kallu?" Kikyou asked as they entered her rooms.

"Carol gave it to me." Kalluto replied, hugging the horse to his chest. Kikyou pursed her lips and snatched the horse away. Kalluto looked on in confusion and started as Kikyou suddenly shoved the dark horse into an drawer and locked it. It rattled for an moment before falling silent and did not start again. Kalluto watched in horror as Kikyou smiled, satisfied.

"Why?" Kalluto asked, unable to find an reason, being an five year old.

"You shouldn't take gifts from Carol, you don't need such things. Honestly, that child is getting ahead of herself." Kikyou tutted, sweeping the boy into her arms, bringing him to his rooms.

"That girl needs an lesson." Kikyou continued and an shiver ran down Kalluto's back at the words. "Yes, I should do that. She has been making Illu soft lately. Although I managed to make sure he was still mine." Kikyou hummed as she tucked Kalluto into his crib. Kalluto clutched the bars as Kikyou left his rooms, feeling cold.

* * *

Carol felt an malicious aura and awoke to find herself chained to an wall.

"My, my, while I'm impressed you manage to wake up, you really should be more aware of you surroundings." Carol recognized the voice as Kikyou's and shrank away from the sound. "Now, I want you to stop giving things to dear Kalluto." Carol opened her mouth to speak when an slap resounded through the air. She felt the sting on her cheek, disbelief flooding her.

"Who said you could talk back?" Kikyou screeched suddenly, walking off to take something. Carol couldn't move her hands, but she was sure her cheek swelling up. She couldn't do anything against the mistress of the house. Carol trembled, wondering where Illumi was. Most likely still asleep.

Kikyou returned and flicked on some kind of switch nearby. Carol froze as an searing pain rushed through her body, and an distant part of her noted that it was electricity. Her back arched, head thrown back in an silent scream.

"You can't handle this? Illu could when he was 9." Illumi had this when he was that young? Carol thought murkily, her body gradually adapting to the current flowing through out her body. She twitched, raising her head to stare at Kikyou, trying to ignore the pain searing through her body.

"While, I suppose Illu is not completely soft if he could scoop out your eyes like that. He didn't even hesitate!" Kikyou giggled as she flicked of the switch, causing Carol to sigh in relief.

"Now drink this." Kikyou commanded as she tipped something into Carol's mouth. She immediately choked as what appeared to be poison burning her mouth an throat.

"Do you like it? It's an special poison I made. Now, deal with it, this is training." Kikyou commanded as Carol swallowed. "Training?" She rasped, feeling her intestines burn as the poison hit them and tried not to scream, letting out an whimper instead.

"Yes, yes! This much should be fine for you, so just go with it. It's part of your punishment, so remember." Kikyou's voice dropped as Carol let her head hang.

"Know your place." Kikyou snarled, grabbing Carol's hair and yanking it up. Carol nodded, biting down on her yelp as Kikyou's nails dug into her scalp. She was released and felt her hair hang around her face.

"Now, let's continue." Kikyou spoke, picking up another bottle from the table nearby. Carol felt dread pooling in her stomach.

* * *

The next day, Carol stumbled to the clearing she had found and noticed Illumi lying against an tree trunk. "Mother." Illumi stated instead of questioning as Carol curled up beside him. She nodded, flinching at the burns covered by the sweater she wore and her burning stomach, unable to keep anything down. Illumi stared at her and let an hand rest on Carol's head.

She trembled and then buried her face in his arms, sobbing as Illumi patted her head. Illumi was tempted to say what Silva had always told them.

Zoldycks do not cry.

But Illumi looked again at the teary-eyed girl who just had her first taste what it truly meant to be an Zoldyck. So he allowed her to cry and hugged her, remembering his own first taste years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if you want more violence like this


	8. Nanika and Alluka

**Carol was 15 when she met Nanika.**

"Alluka!" Carol called out as the 4 year old ran to her giggling. They had gone on an walk with Killua, but the two seemed determined to leave her behind.

"Carol, pick me up!" Alluka sang as Crystal obliged. "Carol, find me an flower?" Alluka called as Carol bended down to pluck an daisy, offering it to Alluka. "Carol, climb the tree!" Carol jumped, grabbing an nearby branch and swinging up onto it.

She adjusted her grip on Alluka and balanced on the branch, wondering why Alluka wasn't asking for Killua instead. She turned to face Alluka and immediately knew something was wrong.

"Alluka, is that you?" Carol tried hesitantly, feeling an strange aura that seemed to come from Alluka. "Aye." She stiffened at the strange voice coming from Alluka. She frowned and jumped off the tree, placing Alluka(?) in front of her. Carol reached out to cup Alluka's face, startling when it was ice-cold.

"Car-nee, Alluka, what are you doing-oh." Carol looked up at Killua's voice. "Don't worry, I know how to fix it!" Killua said confidently, running over.

"Nanika, lift me high up!" Carol tilted her head at the strange request and gasped as she heard Killua fly up into the air before coming down. The strange aura disappeared and Alluka yawned, plopping down on the floor.

"Killua, can you explain to me what happened?" Carol asked, cursing her blindness. "Fine, but promise not to tell anyone okay?" Carol nodded as Killua proceeded to launch into an explanation of Nanika's rules and description.

"There's one more thing you got to promise you'll keep secret kay? I'll show you." Killua said seriously as they turned to where Alluka was inspecting some flowers. "Nanika, come here!" Carol felt the strange aura came back and it-she(?) walked over. "Aye." She said, and Carol listened for an pulse or an breath.

There was neither as far as she could tell.

"Hey Killua, can you turn around. I wanna show Nanika something." , Killua obliged, turning around as Carol untied her blindfold, letting it fall to reveal her non-existent eyes. "See? We match." She said slowly, not wanting to frighten her.

"Carol?" Nanika asked, reaching out to touch her cheek. She smiled at her, not quite sure how to respond to the creature. "Hurt?" The creature-girl asked, referring to the gaping holes where her eyes should be.

"No, it doesn't anymore. Hey, I can't see you, but I think you look pretty. Because Alluka was and so do you. Oh, are you an girl?" Carol babbled, not noticing the smile stretching on Nanika's face. "Aye." Nanika replied softly, removing her hand.

Carol retied her blindfold and called Killua back, swearing herself to secrecy. They played together until Nanika was tired and Alluka came back, saying Nanika was really happy. Carol smiled, patting the two children.

Nanika was revealed the very next week.

Carol walked through the halls with Illumi, entering Alluka's room along with butlers. 

* * *

"Good, everyone's here." Silva spoke, staring at Alluka, who was sleeping peacefully in her bed. A month had passed since Nanika was revealed. Kikyou had sacrificed dozens of tourists in an attempt to understand Nanika, and now they had reached an decision.

"We are locking that thing up." Silva said, disgust in his tone. Carol startled, realizing that neither Kalluto and Killua were present despite it being an family meeting. She noticed how everyone had edged away from Alluka, who was in an corner.

"May I ask why?" She asked hesitantly. "That thing will be an danger to us all. All it takes is one bad wish and one of us is dead. So we are keeping her underground, and we'll use some people as an way to fulfill her requests." Silva replied, gesturing for an butler to apply a sedative on Alluka.

"But won't Killua ask about Alluka?" Carol pressed, hating that everyone was treating both Nanika and Alluka as an thing.

"It has the most danger to Killu. We are fortunate that Killu was not killed by that thing's twisted requests!" Kikyou said dramatically, her tone laced with disgust. Carol clenched her fists, wanting so badly to tell them why Nanika would never hurt Killua. But she knew they would only abuse Nanika's power if they knew Killua could call Nanika at will, so she kept silent.

"Why didn't you say anything about Alluka?" Carol asked Illumi as they left the room. "Why should I stand up for that thing? Besides, Father said we could make wishes, so we can still benefit." Carol startled at his reply, feeling dread pooling in her stomach.

"B-but Alluka's family! And Killua needs her!" She tried desperately, stopping in the middle of the hallway. Illumi paused and she could feel his eyes boring into her. "Carol." There was an warning in Illumi's tone.

"That thing is not family, and Killua does not need her. Now, pretend in front of Killua." She bowed her head, feeling her worst fears come through.

Illumi no longer considered Alluka as family.

Killua immediately noticed Alluka's absence later. "Illu-ni, why isn't Alluka here?" He asked as he ate, causing Carol to tense.

"Alluka is away Kill. You can see her next time." Illumi lied smoothly, continuing to eat his food. Carol forced herself to relax as Killua kept pestering them for answers.

"Nee-san, where's Alluka!" Killua whined when she brought him out to play. "Um, she's sick." Carol replied, surprised by how clear her voice was. "Oh! Can we see her?" Killua asked, worry in her tone. "Uh, you can't, lest you get sick too. Instead, why don't you make an get well card?" She suggested, leading him to his drawing table. Killua brightened at the idea and got to work while Carol promptly decided to leave the mansion on an job for an week or so.

When she returned, Killua launched himself on her and started wailing.

"Carolllll, Dad said Alluka was dangerous and she's underground because Nanika wants to hurt me! Is that true?" He asked anxiously, clutching her shirt. "Um, I don't know." She replied, fumbling for an excuse. They both turned as Illumi walked towards them, an frown on his face.

"Killua, you aren't done with training." Illumi reprimanded, causing Killua to hang his head. "He can continue it later, can't he?" Carol suggested, smiling at Killua as he brightened. Illumi sighed and removed Killua from her, muttering an agreement under his breath.

Killua whooped and ran outside, babbling about something. Her heart twisted at how easily Killua forgot about the topic of Alluka. She sighed and made to follow them before sensing Milluki behind. At 10, Milluki had put on considerable weight and rarely left the house, often bargaining with Silva for money if he wanted him to take jobs.

"Hello Milluki!" She said cheerfully and blinked as the teen walked away. She frowned, knowing they had become distant lately. She didn't quite know why, although perhaps it was because she was too busy. Carol hummed, going after Illumi and Killua.


	9. The beginning

**Carol was 16 when she began stumbling.**

"Carol! Carol!" Carol yelped as something came crashing into her from behind. She turned to find an teary-eyed Killua clutching the hem of her dress. "What's wrong Kil?" She asked gently, picking up the boy.

"Carol! I'll protect you from Illu-ni, okay? So don't cry!" Killua declared loudly, surprising her. "Illu-ni is bad! He made you cry yesterday and hurt you! Just like he did to me!" Killua wailed, hugging her tightly. Carol patted his back, heading to Killua's rooms. She carefully tucked him after several reassurances that no, she didn't need protecting from Illumi. Carol sighed, remembering what happened.

Illumi had been in an bad mood. He met Hisoka, who was particularly annoying and his job had been an bad one. He stalked the hallways, an horrible aura shrouding him to keep everyone away. Then she popped up, all bright and cheery, somehow not noticing the horrifying mood Illumi was in. Long story short, Illumi snapped and threw needles at her, piercing her arms and legs.

It had hurt so much because Illumi focused his bad mood into the needles, so she screamed and wailed while Illumi slowly regained his senses. He immediately pulled out the needles and patched her up, lingering at the gaping holes the needles had left.

Carol forgave him afterwards, after an awkward apology from the teen. She knew Illumi was genuinely horrified, and he tip-toed around her, acting properly nice for once. But Killua, who had wandered towards her screaming, didn't know any of that. All he saw was his eldest brother watching coldly as his favorite sister cried loudly on the ground, needles sticking out of her limbs. He immediately assumed the worst and screamed at Illumi, running off to tell their parents.

Carol sighed in the present time, flopping onto her bed and winced as her wounds rubbed against the bandages. This was bad. She didn't like the idea of Killua starting to be afraid of Illumi, especially when she knew how much the two cared for each other. Carol huffed and decided to visit Alluka. She waited as Milluki opened the door for her and walked in.

"Carol!" Alluka cheered, jumping into her arms. "Nice to see you too girl. Hey, can you do something for me? Can you ask for Nanika please?" Carol whispered, sitting down on the bed and hiding Alluka's face with her hair. She sensed Nanika's aura and smiled. "Nanika, I want you to make it so that Milluki can't see what we are doing, kay?" She trusted Milluki, just not when it came to Alluka.

She found out months ago that she could call Nanika whenever she wanted as well. She immediately used the power to erase the camera footage and Milluki's memories to prevent her parents from knowing. Still, it was nice to know Nanika liked her so much. She smiled, using Onyx to construct an small black cat. The cat yawned and padded towards Nanika before lying in her lap. Nanika stroked the cat while Carol used her En to construct an mental image.

"Hey Nanika, Killua and I love you, okay? So don't let anyone say otherwise." She didn't know why she said it, but she felt like she had to. Carol hummed, not seeing the smile on Nanika's face.

* * *

"Carol."

"Illuminati?"

There was an long silence as the two stared at each other. Carol, of course, burst out laughing, wiping tears from her eyes.

"OH GOD! I almost forgot that nickname!" She wheezed while Illumi looked on disapprovingly. "Where you even got that word confuses me." Illumi replied, sitting down on the sofa next to her.

"I mean, I was 9 and you said your family was famous. So I googled Illumi, and then I saw Illuminati, so I clicked on it. It's been years since I used that. It just popped up suddenly" Carol chuckled while Illumi sighed.

"Anyway. Hisoka wants to meet up. I would refuse, but he said to tell you in exchange for an favor, so we are definitely going."

"Of course we are! He's our friend Illumi! It doesn't matter what he does anyway, considering who we are. Now where are we going?" She asked, not noticing the slight frown Illumi has at the word 'friend'. She startled as the teen suddenly grabbed her wrist.

"Carol." She froze at the cold tone from Illumi. "You do not need Hisoka. You only need me and maybe Killua. I will admit that he is an friend, but we will not make exceptions for him. If he crosses the line, he will pay. Is.That.Clear." Illumi states, punctuating each word by tightening his grip.

She nodded meekly and sighed in relief as her hand was released. She rubbed it, reaching out with En apprehensively as Illumi typed something on his phone. His aura was completely calm, yet had an cold tone to it. She shivered, feeling afraid for some reason and banished the thought. Illumi had been her best friend for years! He wouldn't hurt her for no reason. ..Right?

"We don't have any jobs, but knowing Hisoka he probably wants to massacre some gang. Pick up some weapons, I'll go tell Father." Illumi stood up and went, Carol following carefully behind, feeling sick in the stomach.

* * *

"Who are we attacking?" Carol asked Hisoka curiously as they and Illumi wandered through the bustling night-market. "They call themselves the Roses. They love an good murder with lots of blood." Hisoka smirked, licking his lips.

"I'm going to give them one." He purred and Carol felt an shiver go down her spine. Seriously, Hisoka was terrifying sometimes. They found the Roses' base and straight up strolled in like they owned it. It shocked the Roses so much they killed an dozen of them before they could retaliate. Not that it changed much.

Carol hung back, using Onyx to form all sorts of predators to do the job and killed anyone else who though her easy prey. She reached out with her En and time seemed to slow as she listened carefully.

Grown men crying for their mothers as Hisoka pulled them apart.

Boys choking on their own blood as Illumi's needles pierced them.

Woman screaming as the were sliced and diced by her animal Onyx.

She took it all in, absorbed it as her horror and disgust faded to an dull buzzing. She took off her blindfold and followed the two as they made for the boss of the Roses, passing countless bodies. Onyx poured from her eyes, covering the bodies and drinking in the despair. She would weep for them if she could, not in sadness, but that they would die like they did, honored by the public when they were found.

Carol closed her eyes and hummed as blood splattered across her cheek, before stopping at an room. She opened it, Hisoka and Illumi following quietly behind her as she walked towards the man shivering in the corner.

She glided towards him, Onyx slowly trickling from her eyes, feeding on the death in the air rather than her energy. She knew how cursed her power was, it made her an monster and she cried about it sometimes. It didn't matter now.

Hisoka grinned, his eyes widening at the dream-like state Carol was as Onyx twisted around her, forming an humanoid being next to her. Illumi watched expressionlessly, but secretly delighted in the power and ruthlessness his dear Carol was displaying. The two watched quietly, knowing this was the moment where Carol would either soar or fall of the edge. Perhaps it would be both.

"Hello." Carol said, her beautiful voice ringing throughout the air. The man whimpered, eyes darting back and forth between the eyeless girl and the demon that was solidifying next to her. Carol crouched before the man, somehow seeming like she was staring at the man's eyes.

"Do you like him? He's the best one so far." She said softly in an haunting tone that the man would hear forever, even when he died. Carol held out an hand and the demon obeyed, stepping towards the man. The demon loomed over the man, who screamed and begged for mercy as he raised an clawed hand. Carol appeared to stare dreamily into the distance, Onyx having stopped flowing from her eyes.

"I would have spared you once, you know? But now..." Carol turned to the sobbing man and smiled. "Goodbye." She whispered, turning as the demon ripped the man apart. She stood at the edge now and floated off it gently, never quite soaring as high as Illumi and Hisoka, but it was good enough for now. She retied her blindfold and slumped into Illumi's arms, falling into an deep sleep.

**Snap.**

_Another piece gone._


	10. Killing an town

**Carol was 17 when Killua left.**

Carol hummed as she swung from tree to tree. She should really be more worried, considering Illumi was currently hot on her trail. And the fact that she was carrying an giggling Killua who kept giving away their position. She shushed him, carefully reaching out to crack some branches, setting up traps for Illumi.

While Illumi was thin, he was also very tall, increasing his weight and causing most branches to creak ominously under him. It was why Illumi had yet to catch up, for the branches she had weakened snapped under his touch. The reason they were running was questionable.

Killua had developed an fondness for taiyaki, holding them below his prized snack, Chocorobos. Long story short, he took the ones meant for Illumi, and now he was on the warpath. Not true, an voice whispered. You have seen worse. Carol shook her head, chanting 'This is just tag, this is just tag' silently in her mind.

She unfortunately stumbled and fell out of the tree as her thoughts wandered. She and Killua shouted as she twisted in mid-air, landing in an crouch and straightened to see Illumi standing before them. She jerked back, quickly shifting Killua from her arms to her back.

"Lumi." Carol said carefully, using her nickname to soften him. "Let's talk about this." Illumi's gaze flicked from Killua to her.

"Zoldycks do not steal like you did Killua." Illumi began, causing Killua to look down guiltily. She relaxed slightly, putting Killua down. "We take what we want, and do not creep unnecessarily in the shadows. Do I make myself clear, Kill?" Killua relaxed visibly at the nickname and nodded eagerly. Carol sighed, plopping down on the grassy ground and leaned on an tree.

"On another note Kill, Father wants to see you." Illumi spoke, gesturing for them to follow him back to the mansion. They soon reached Silva's office and knocked before entering. Carol glanced at the beast lying on the floor next to them, and was reminded of Mike. They were different, of course. This creature had far more emotion and free will than Mike did. She often wondered where they came from.

"Killua." Killua blinked as he was called, while Illumi and Carol stepped into the shadows. "The time has come for you to go to Heaven's Arena. You will reach the 200th floor before you return. I will not allow you back otherwise. You will be stripped of possessions expect the clothes on your back, so think carefully. Do I make myself clear?" Killua fidgeted nervously and threw an glance at his older siblings.

Every Zoldyck born went through this, and Killua was familiar with the tradition. Carol smiled encouragingly at him as he bit his lip and nodded. They left, already getting ready for Killua's leave.

"You promise you'll come cheer for me?" Killua asked, hugging Carol tightly. "I'll do my best. Maybe I can get Illumi to come!" Carol said cheerfully, handing him his plane ticket. Killua bade farewell before stepping through the Testing Gate. Carol's smile faded as she stared at the seven doors. Now that she thought of it, it had been an while since she went out well not on an job. She would ask him later.

* * *

"Illumi, do you think I could go out to town by myself later?" Carol blinked at the firm "No." she got.

"But I just wanna go buy stuff! And eat something nice!" She whined, flopping down on the sofa. "Zoldycks do not go out on such silly whims. We will not speak of this anymore." Illumi replied coldly, an air of finality in his tone. Carol, of course, ignored it and kept pleading until he agreed. The conditions were that they went to an isolated town he knew, and only he came too. She didn't notice the irritated look on his face as he watched her celebrate.

"Illumi! They have cookies over there!" Carol exclaimed, pulling along Illumi. She munched happily on an chocolate cookie while Illumi eyed the sugary treat distastefully. They were in an relatively modern village, although it was rather small and didn't have many tourists. They got an few stares, being one of the few visitors besides visiting relatives or friends. Not to mention their odd appearance.

She wore an brown wig, but her blindfold drew quite an few eyes, as well as Illumi's unsettling eyes and his long hair dyed blonde. He had started letting his hair grow, and she had fun braiding it and the like. They entered an boutique, and she hummed while Illumi typed away on his phone for some new job. She got an nice dress that she was told was black and wore it, stepping out of the changing room.

"What do you think?" She asked Illumi, spinning for him. Illumi paused and appraised her for an moment. "You look...nice." He said finally, and Carol smiled at the compliment, however small. She bought it and wore it right away, chatting with Illumi.

"Hey, you!" The two looked up as an brash voice rang out across the street. They both knew what was happening. Carol used En and found three rather large men striding towards them. Oh boy.

"How may I help you?" She asked sweetly, prodding Illumi to stay put. "You aren't from around here, and I figured you might want some help. How's that, doll?" One of them asked, leaning forward. Carol refused, and hastily signaled for Illumi to run. While this filth needed purging, she rather not do it out here with people around. The man growled and lunged forward, grabbing the hem of her dress and tearing it slightly.

She winced at the dull thud as Illumi's needles entered his skull. He must have thrown quite an few. She stepped back as the man's grip loosened, feeling her dress for the damage. It was really an small rip, actually. She looked up as the remaining two screamed, torn apart by Illumi's fury.

"Let's go Illumi. We're wearing disguises, so it's fine." She said, pulling him along. He resisted, stalking into an nearby house. "Illumi?" She asked, anxious now as he made the family inside Nen puppets. They shuffled out of the house, entering other people's houses and causing them to scream at the sight of their neighbors.

"Illumi stop!" She said desperately, hearing butlers step out from the shadows and join the execution. They had been followed, of course, but why was this happening.

"That filth touched you." Carol turned at Illumi's voice. "Not an single person cared, so why should you care if we kill them all? Anyway, I didn't choose this town randomly; I need to make it disappear for some job. Don't ask me why." Illumi droned on before telling her to call up some Onyx to help.

She did so numbly, flinching as the wails of an child cut of abruptly. Illumi turned to her and frowned, tilting her head up.

"What's wrong with you? You kill dozens of people in one go every few months. This is nothing." Illumi spoke, watching her tremble slightly. "It's...not right to kill them all." She whispered, listening to an mother beg for mercy. Illumi scoffed, grabbing her wrist tightly and displaying an malicious aura.

"We are Zoldycks. We do not care for anyone other than ourselves. You are not excluded. Do you understand?" Illumi hissed, gripping her hand tight enough to cut off circulation.

Carol cried out, trying to wrench her hand away. She hated it when Illumi got like this, colder than usual and frankly terrifying. It had been happening since he was an teen, and had been growing more frequent. They were usually directed at her, and occasionally at Killua.

She had brushed them away, attributing them to him simply caring for them and not understanding how to do so properly. She had usually managed to stop him and when it happened to Killua, who did the same. But now Killua was gone, and she was alone.

She whimpered, nodding furiously while she urged her Onyx animals to kill faster and prove her words. Illumi studied her and released her, turning away to join the slaughter. Carol breathed out and slumped onto the ground, curling up in an ball. Silent tears streaked down her cheeks, and she rubbed them away before they could be seen.

She ignored the blood pooling around her and the fading cries of the villagers. Instead she remembered an night years ago, where she had been ruthless, perfect in Illumi's eyes and worthy to fight Hisoka.

She didn't feel like that now, wishing for and hating that version of her. What was happening to her? Carol trembled, slowly rising as Illumi called for her.

**Crack.**

_Another chip in the mask._


	11. Getting married

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some fluff for y'all with plot shadowing :3

**Carol was 18 when she was engaged.**

Carol hummed, swinging her legs back and forth on her swing. Illumi walked into the playground and towards her. The playground had an haunting look to it; no one had played here in over an year. Not since Killua left. She had gone to check on him once, after an fierce bargain with Father. He was faring well, already nearing the 200th floor.

Illumi took the swing next to her, and they sat in silence. She liked this small moments, where everything was peaceful and she could pretend they were children again. Carol sighed, getting up and dusting off her dress.

"We are getting married." Illumi spoke, his voice as monotone as ever. She froze, looking up to him. "W-what?" She asked, unable to understand what was happening.

"We are getting married." Illumi repeated, slower this time. She sat down on the soft sand, and Illumi joined her. "Um, why?" She asked, although from what she could tell Illumi was serious. She didn't know what to think of that. They had been friends forever, and the thought of Illumi in love with anyone was something that never brushed her mind.

"I asked Father about it, and he said we could marry. Do you want to?" Carol could hear the slight hesitation in his voice. Huh.

Did she love Illumi? Yes, she decided. Despite everything, she knew Illumi cared for her in his own twisted way and she cared for him too, beyond friends. The declaration had taken her off-guard though. Well, Illumi had never been one for drama, unlike her.

**~~Deep down, she wondered if she even had an _choice_ in this matter.~~ **

"Sure." She replied, an small smile on her face. "Why not." Illumi stared at her, an soft smile tugging on his features as they both went back to the mansion. Carol beamed back, linking hands with him and laughing.

* * *

Soon, the mansion was bustling. The wedding was due in an few months, but dozens of preparations were already underway. Her wedding dress, the best man and bridesmaids, the guests, all sorts of things. Even her blindfold needed careful consideration to match her dress. There were an few problems, however.

"But I want Alluka as my flower girl!" Carol said insistently, and Illumi's aura soured. "I will not have that creature there. Even if I did, Mother would never agree." He replied, unmoving to her pleas until he got irritated.

"Enough." He snapped, cutting off her protests. "I can get it to grant you an wish, but nothing more." She had sulked for days until Killua returned from Heaven's Arena. He had been confused, barely understanding the concept of marriage.

"But Nee-Chan, aren't you and Aniki siblings?" Killua asked, and Carol ignored the more formal version of 'Big brother'. "No, we are actually friends. Your mom didn't give birth to me, I was just taken in by your parents thanks to Illumi." She explained patiently, tilting her head at the boy's transformation.

There was an predatory leanness to him, an new gracefulness in his step. It was obvious how much the two years in Heaven's Arena changed him. Anyway, it was decided that Hisoka would be the best man. He would have found out anyway and crash it if he wasn't invited. Not with how big the wedding was going to be, filled with top assassins around the globe and the complete Zoldyck family.

Carol chuckled as she remembered how Hisoka attempted to challenge Silva and Zeno repeatedly, even Kikyou once, who had been delighted but refused. Her bridesmaid would be Kalluto, and Killua would be the ring bearer. No one talked about Kalluto's gender anymore. She was sure he/she/they was born an boy, but Kikyou always dressed him up like an girl. For now, she decided that Kalluto was an they who preferred to be an she. So, she was now an bridesmaid.

Carol flopped onto her bed, tired from the day's events. The wedding was in an week now, and just about everything was ready. Her stomach twisted and she got up, walking to the dressing room set aside for her dress. There it was, displayed in all it's glory. An white, silk dress that dropped to her ankles, yet flowed freely. The sleeves would drape on her shoulders, and an veil that nearly touched the ground.

She ran her hand down the dress, feeling it flow through her fingers. Everyone said it was beautiful, and would go wonderfully with her white hair. She reached up and fingered her blindfold, removing it as she walked around the room.

She felt nothing in her eyes, except for when she made Onyx. She didn't do that too often now, having masses of it flowing through the ground beneath her. Enough to fill an small room. Sometimes she wished she could feel, even if it was just the wind flowing into her sockets. But her nerves had been cauterized, and she didn't try asking anyone how they looked. From what the few people who saw anything, they were just holes, and you could barely see the exposed muscle unless the light hit her sockets, something no one liked at all.

She sighed, retying her blindfold and leaving the room.

* * *

Carol sighed for what felt like the hundredth time as Kikyou fussed over her gown, pinning it up here and there. The woman had been delighted to see her eldest son married, and was determined to make the ceremony perfect. She lowered her head so that maids could place an white rose crown on her head, and closed her eyes as they applied make-up.

Soon she was ready, and ushered to the Zoldycks' humongous ballroom turned chapel. She hummed as Silva stepped up to her, offering his arm as they walked down the aisle. Briefly, she wondered what he thought of this. Did he approve of her, that she was worthy of marrying his eldest son?

She dismissed the thought and used En to find Illumi. He stood under an arch of flowers with Zeno acting as the judge. He probably looked amazing in his suit, and Carol felt an rush of warmth as she walked up the steps. Everything was an blur after that. They exchanged their vows, kissed, cut the cake and got dozens of guests greeting them.

"Congratulations, Illumi and Carol. I hope that just because you're married, you won't ignore your dear friend ◇" Hisoka purred as he sauntered over, eying the numerous people milling about and dancing.

"Of course not!" Carol exclaimed, offended by the notion as Hisoka chuckled and Illumi tilted his head. Hisoka offered her an hand and she accepted, twirling across the floor as she listened about his new 'toys', often interjecting with signs and groans. Soon the song ended and she began another one with Illumi.

When that was done the two men walked away, discussing something while she went over to Killua. It took a while, with the crowd surrounding her and Killua as the heir. They escaped to an nearby balcony and sat in silence, staring at the starry night sky.

"Nee-Chan, are you happy?" Killua asked suddenly, staring at her. "Of course I am!" She replied cheerfully, and it was true. She loved the Zoldycks, and didn't mind her job as an assassin. Killua stared at her for an moment before turning back to the sky.

"What's wrong Kil?" She asked worriedly, laying an hand on the boy's arm. "It's nothing! C'mon, let's dance!" Killua exclaimed, pulling her back into the ballroom. Carol followed, giggling as she tried ignoring the worry in her stomach.

**Plink.**

_Another piece falls._


	12. The Phantom Troupe

**Carol was 19 when she met the Troupe.**

Carol stepped through hallways, nodding as butlers bowed to her. She had always be considered an outsider before, or adopted if you prefer. But now she was officially part of the family, and one of the eldest children. She didn't really care about it and mostly walked around to make sure everything was alright. While neither Illumi or her were the heir, until Killua married she would be considered the Lady, with Kikyou as the Mistress of the house. She hummed, vaulting over an balcony and landing lightly on the grassy floor. She darted into the forest, soon finding Illumi in their clearing.

"There you are!" She exclaimed, skipping over and plopping down beside him. She rested her head on his shoulder and hummed as he stroked her hair. She loved this quiet moments and relaxed, savoring the moment. After an few minutes she shifted, getting up and dusting off her dress. Illumi stood up and offered an hand, pulling her along. They walked around and suddenly froze at an murderous aura behind them. They spun and paused when they recognized it.

"Hisoka!" Carol gasped as the murderous clown stepped out from behind an tree. "How did you get in here?" Illumi asked, irritated. Hisoka would be fine with the Testing Gate and the patrolling butlers, but they would have been able to hear the Gate open.

"Oh, I came from the far side of the mountain. There are an few bodies you have to deal with though ◇" Hisoka replied, smiling as he shuffled an deck of cards. Carol nodded understand, making an mental note to get people to clean up. People always assumed the Gate was the only way to the Zoldyck estate. Few thought of the other side of the mountain, thought they always tried if they did. However, the far side of the mountain was an sheer drop, patrolled by flying monsters that would snatch you up if you tried to climb. Of course, there were butlers stationed nearby for the few people that somehow manage to get in. Although if you did, then , the butlers would be like cannon fodder. Hisoka probably got up using Bungee Gum and killing everything else.

"So why are you here?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. "An duel ♡" Hisoka purred, causing her to sigh. They had stopped fighting duels an long time ago, when Hisoka was no longer able to control his bloodlust properly. He wouldn't concede, and Carol didn't want to kill her and Illumi's only friend. The last time was when they were fifteen and Hisoka started getting banned from going on jobs with them next year, getting far too turned on to be safe.

"You know we can't Soka," She replied, grinning as the jester sighed at the nickname. It was one of the few things that irritated him. "I'm not ready to die yet, and I don't want you to either."

Hisoka pouted, not denying that she could very well kill him if the conditions were right. "Well, I would like you to meet an few friends I made ◇"

She startled at the words, and Illumi raised an eyebrow as well. Hisoka had made friends besides them?

"Don't react like that," Hisoka said, clutching his chest, "It hurts how little you think of me ♤"

"Sorry, Soka. It's just hard to imagine that. The only reason we are friends is cause we got to you before you became one with the dark side." She replied, leaning against an nearby tree. Illumi smiled at that while Hisoka shook his head in mock disappointment. "So, who are your...'friends'?" Illumi prodded, coating the word with skepticism.

"They are...the Phantom Troupe." Both Zoldycks startled at the name, remembering an night long ago when Father had called them all together.

* * *

_"Killing that stupid Spider was an ordeal I never want to go through again and unless I say otherwise, never, ever cross the Phantom Troupe, no matter how much the job offers. Right now any of you doing so is nothing but an death wish. Maybe Illumi and Carol together, but for now stay clear. Got that?" Father had ordered, and the command in his voice had sent shivers down their spine._

* * *

They had always been taught that they were the greatest of the greatest, and that Zoldycks feared nothing. So to hear Father of all people had trouble with an single Spider? They would remember that warning for a long time. Carol hummed, tilting her head at the new revelation.

"Look, Illumi. I have the spider tattoo to prove it ◇" Hisoka purred, turning to lift the back of his shirt to show the one with eyes his supposed proof. "It's there, but care to explain why exactly is that tattoo on an piece of cloth disguised with Nen to look like skin?" Illumi questioned, causing an giggle from her.

"Oh, you have no idea how useful it is to be able to remove this rather obvious tattoo. Not to worry, I really am part of the Phantom Troupe. I had to fight an Spider, but the fight he gave me was simply delicious ♡" The jester moaned, causing her to shudder.

"Ugh. Remind me why we're friends again, Illumi?" She asked, leaning against her husband. Illumi let out an slight chuckle at that while Hisoka sighed. "Anyway, I talked a bit about you guys to the boss. Nothing revealing, of course." Hisoka added quickly at Illumi's glare.

"Well, I don't see why not. Can we, Illumi?" Carol asked. Hisoka wouldn't lead them into an trap on purpose, so this would be fine. Illumi deliberated on the decision for an minute before nodding. They would meet with the Phantom Troupe.

* * *

Carol shifted nervously towards Illumi, unnerved by the stares they were getting. She could sense three people and listened as Hisoka described them. Feitan-Short, black-haired with an coat that covered half his face. Also one of the strongest. Shalnark-Blond, cheerful attitude. Machi-Pink-haired, rather silent. Hisoka appeared to know her well.

The jester placed an hand on her head and tilted it to where she could feel an nearby platform with her En. Someone was sitting there reading, and she didn't need her sight to see how powerful he was.

"That's Chrollo. Go greet him ♤" Hisoka whispered, causing Carol to tense at the jester's spike in bloodlust. Looks like he got an new toy. She pitied Chrollo, honestly. She pulled Illumi along, going to Chrollo. "Hello!" She spoke, waving slightly. Illumi was more reserved, eying the man with his usual blankness.

"That man who killed one of my Spiders, he was your father, wasn't he?" Chrollo finally spoke after an few moments, causing murmuring among their audience. Carol nodded, hoping they weren't about to be slaughtered. Although they might be able to escape with Hisoka's help.

"You two are married, aren't you? Interesting." Chrollo stood, stepping off his platform to be level with them.

"Oh, we aren't related by blood." She swallowed, taking an step back. The man screamed power even without her using En, and she doubted even Hisoka could beat him.

"Well then, Carol and Illumi. I have an proposal. You will not be official members of the Troupe, simply reverses, as you might say. Unless you would like to fight one of my Spiders." Chrollo chuckled, causing Carol to relax slightly. "Anyway, you are welcome to our meetings, though betrayal is forbidden, obviously. Do you accept?" Carol nudged Illumi, who stared at Chrollo for an long moment before nodding.

"Sure, why not?" She replied, shaking hands with Chrollo. Hisoka smiled, placing an hand on her shoulder. "Ugh. Hisoka, don't touch me!" She whined, shoving the jester as his aura grew stronger.

"Please refrain from touching my wife when you are like...that, Hisoka." Illumi noted, pulling her closer to him. "Now, that's just rude." Hisoka complained dramatically.

"Wait, you guys are actually friends? No way." An voice piped up, causing them to pause. "Don't be rude, Feitan. I apologies about that." Shalnark cut in, giving the man a look. Carol tilted her head, smiling at them. Feitan scoffed, shoving his hands into his large coat.

"Hello! Nice to meet you!" She replied cheerfully. "Wow, your En is pretty big. How far can it reach?" Shalnark asked curiously while Machi walked over. "Um, I'm not sure. It's larger than this building." Carol replied, earning an "Wow!" from Shalnark.

"So you're really blind? Not feinting?" Feitan asked, still hostile. "Yeah, I lost my eyes in an...accident. I don't really mind, and I get by well enough with my En and hearing." She replied, fingering her blindfold.

Hisoka sauntered to Machi's side, muttering something to her that made the woman sigh. Carol cocked her head at the scene, nudging Illumi. So Hisoka actually had some sort of friend in the Troupe, instead of him just...lusting after Chrollo. Illumi stared at the strange pair curiously too, causing Hisoka to look up and smirk at them.

"Hisoka, I know you're giving me that stupid smirk of yours, so stop before I trap you." She warned, folding her arms. The ground seemed to thrum at her words, Onyx shifting in masses below her. She never really figured out how that worked, but the Onyx seemed to just pass through the soil like it wasn't even there. She often wondered if they weren't actually there in a sense, just a projection of her mind. She hummed, feeling content as she listened to her new friends chatter. It's been a while since she felt this happy.

**Ring.**

_It's time to collect._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, next chapter it's time for some shit


	13. Broken like a piece of glass

**Carol was 20 when she broke into a million pieces.**

Carol yawned, leaning back into Mike's purple fur. The beast shifted but didn't move, keeping his attention on the Testing Gate. She stood, stretching slightly when she heard Killua calling her. She turned in the right direction as the boy burst out of the forest.

"Nee-san!" The boy cheered, running towards her and jumping into her arms. "Aren't you getting too old for this?" She teased, swinging the boy around before setting him down. "Am not!" The boy stuck out his tongue while she giggled.

"C'mon, time to get back." Carol offered an hand to Killua and managed to get him to go after some protests. Illumi was there waiting for them at the mansion when they arrived. "Illumi!" She called, skipping over to him. Illumi rested an hand on her arm while Killua hung behind.

"Kill, it's time for your history lesson." Illumi spoke, taking the boy's hand. If he noticed the boy's slight flinch, he didn't show it. "But that's boring!" Killua whined, trying and failing to wiggle away. "Now Kil. If you get through it, I'll play with you later!" She reassured, picking up the squirming 9 year old and walked into the mansion.

"Hey! You said I was too old for this!" The boy complained, giving up on trying to escape from his freakishly powerful older siblings. "You'll still be my cute Kil!" She replied cheerfully as Illumi patted the boy's white curls. Killua grumbled as he was deposited at his tutoring room and ushered in.

"How long do you think it will take?" She asked immediately as they rounded the next corner. "20 minutes." The blank-eyed man answered, fishing out his phone. "Half an hour then." She replied confidently, leaning against the wall as they waited.

Sure enough, Killua carefully crept out of his room 35 minutes later and dashed unknowingly towards them. Carol snagged him as he ran past, earning an yelp from the young heir. She smirked at Illumi as they peered over the corner, using Zetsu as they did. The tutor rushed out, looking around frantically before dashing of in the opposite direction.

Father always told the tutors that if they couldn't keep track of his charges, then they were as good as dead. At this point, it was probably easier to have Zeno teach Killua instead of continuously disposing and hiring new tutors. She giggled with Killua, setting the boy down.

"How did you know I was there?" The boy whined, causing Carol to smirk. "It's been a week since you skipped, Kill. It's not that hard." She scoffed, folding her arms. "Oh yeah, I won the bet Illumi." She added and the man typed something on his phone. Seconds later the Braille phone Milluki made for her years ago pinged at the two million Jenny deposited into her private account.

"I don't know why you bother with these bets. I could give plenty of money to you anytime you wanted." Illumi sighed, an slight break in his usual mask. "But that's what makes it fun!" She protested, leaning against her husband. 

"Run along now Kil. Let's not kill off your new tutor that early, alright?" She gestured for the boy to run along. The thought of the tutor returning to find Killua sitting there innocently brought an smile to her lips. She walked through the hallways with Illumi, stepping delicately.

"Carol." Illumi spoke as she paused at an large window. "Yes dear?" She replied distractedly, looking out of the window to see an picturesque garden filled with plants. An huge difference from the Zoldyck's lifestyle.

Of course, the garden was actually filled with poisonous flowers and herbs. It belong to Kikyou, who used them to make her handmade poisons and drugs. Tsubone helped tend to it, and Carol would often sit at the pavilion near the garden with Illumi.

"I think we should go outside for your birthday." Carol reeled at the words, discarding what Kikyou called 'Proper etiquette' and gaped at her husband. The last time she left the house was when they went to meet with Chrollo and the Troupe for the first time. The Zoldycks weren't big on birthdays, though Kikyou occasionally threw one for Killua, the treasured heir. It was a shame, since the Zoldycks really knew how to throw a party.

Between her and Illumi, birthday gifts weren't a big deal. Illumi didn't care for trinkets and Carol didn't have anything she couldn't buy herself. So she would bake a small cake for the two and sometimes younger siblings to share, while Illumi gave her roses or jewelry and once a surprise visit from Hisoka. But a outing was different, since Illumi constantly made her stay at home. She was feeling a little...trapped, actually. Illumi was way too controlling sometimes.

"What's wrong? I thought you loved outings?" Illumi asked tilting his head. No, but usually when Illumi invited her it was on a job or something gruesome. That time he murdered a entire town...

Carol shook off the though and plastered on a cheery smile. "Of course! Thanks Lumi!" She cheered, hugging the man.

They used a private jet to go to a nearby city, where Illumi had booked a reservation at a delightful restaurant.

They met a wonderful family who had the table next to them and she managed to persuade Illumi to not change seats. They had a child around 6 years old, who was the reason their worlds collided at all. He asked about her blindfold, causing his parents to apologies frantically while Carol smiled as she held Illumi back. In the end she kept chatting with the boy, Jack, who was just adorable.

Even Illumi appeared to tolerate the boy as he dutifully answered the barrage of questions from Jack. They left the restaurant and she felt lighter than ever as they went shopping. Then Illumi killed him. They were walking around in the evening when Illumi pulled her into a dark alleyway. She could sense Jack and his parents in it.

Her first thought was Illumi saw how happy she was chatting with the boy and decided to let them meet again.

How naïve of her.

She had just raised a hand in greeting when one of Illumi's needles whistled past her and embedded itself in Jack's mother's forehead. She froze as the woman choked on her blood while her husband let out a scream of rage and fear. It was cut off as Illumi appeared before him and sliced off his head.

"M-mama? Papa?" Jack whispered, stumbling to the bodies. Illumi moved but paused as her bloodlust hit him at full force.

How many years had it been since she felt this much fury and rage?

**10 years.**

The moment she entered the Zoldyck family she had defiance beaten out of her either physically or mentally. How many times had she watched, helpless as her younger sibling were tortured in the name of training and innocents slaughtered? Despite her usual dismissal of killing, she wasn't a complete monster like Father. She hated killing innocents or down right massacres, always taking jobs that involved criminals or corrupted officials.

Illumi had a hand in all of this, slowly chipping at her defenses and exposing the heart she had. Mother, her real mother had always said to never let love blind you. But she had, and now the damage was done.

Carol could feel a part of her telling her to stop now, to just let it go and aim for the quiet moments she treasured so much. It was large and it was so tempting to turn her back on this, leaving it all to Illumi. Illumi, who she knew if nothing loved her so, so much to the point she was drowning in it and each day was a fight to keep her head above the dark, murky liquid. Her bloodlust faltered as Jack's cries broke through her thoughts, causing her to reach out for the boy.

"No! I want my parents! Go away!" The boy wailed and her heart broke into _a thousand pieces._ There was a dull snap as Illumi broke Jack's spine and crouched before her.

"What's wrong?" He asked, tilting her chin upwards.

What's wrong?

She managed a broken laugh, wishing more than anything that she could at least weep for Jack. But her tear ducts had been completely destroyed years ago.

"I hate you! I hate this!" She screamed suddenly, pushing him away. Illumi stood, a frown tugging on his face. "It's just a job. We're lucky that we already met them, actually. Makes a good distraction." Illumi scoffed, pulling her up roughly. Carol stumbled, feeling trapped as Illumi pulled her close.

"You have gotten soft. _Pathetic._ Assassins do not make friends Carol," His grip tightened on her wrist. "We only need our family, and even that is a matter of interests. If you don't stop this, you'll become nothing but weak, Carol. Even worse than Mill." Illumi whispered into her ear, sending shivers down her spine. She opened her mouth to protest, even as she felt herself drifting into his words.

"Enough. You know I only want the best for you, dear. You either stop, all you become just like a bird in a cage. Stay at home and with me, if you despise killing so much." Illumi finished, patting her head gently.

* * *

**She listened.**

_She protested._

She screamed. 

_**She quieted.** _

**She listened.**

_She gave in._

And so she _b r o k e_ into **p i e c e s.**

* * *

She stayed in their room, decorated with gold in a attempt to brighten it. It had never felt more like a cage. So she became a weak creature, not pathetic, but refusing to argue or fight back. A doll or a bird captured for so long only now it realized its fate.

She put up a front for Killua and Alluka and Kalluto and the world, but she broke when she was alone. She stayed with Illumi, became the perfect wife for him. Who accepted his attitude without question, killing just as mercilessly as he did. That was her fate and she accepted it without question.

The old Carol wasn't buried or peeking out through the seams. There was simply no old Carol. She was the exact same, simply with pieces of her stripped away and sealed back without them.

This was who she was. 

_It_

**S H A T T E R E D**


	14. The Hunter Exam

**Carol stopped counting her life by the years since the day she broke. She doesn't think for herself too much now. So it's time for something new.**

Killua spotted Carol at the pavilion and immediately gestured for Canary to follow him. He slowed as he drew close, studying his sister-in law. She was sitting by herself, her beautiful white hair just like his own gleaming in the sunlight.

At 22 years old, she was still as beautiful as ever, but older somehow. Killua wasn't stupid, he knew something was wrong with his sister. There had always been something wrong with her, but he had just been too young to recognize it. Now he could see how Illumi had chipped away at her soul, turning her into the shell she was now.

Even now as she noticed their presence she seemed to shrink into herself, despite knowing that it was him and Canary. Killua walked over, sitting down next to Carol while Canary hovered. He despised his family for turning Carol into the shadow she was now, without the usual cheerfulness she always had.

His heart ached as he remembered how Carol had always greeted him with a cheer and an smile that was so sincere Killua often wondered why. What was there to be happy about for her?

"What are you thinking about?" Killua startled as Carol asked a question in a rare moment of boldness.

"A-ah nothing!" He replied sheepishly even as his thoughts wandered. He leaned back, wishing he could get away from the pressure of his life as heir and Carol from Illumi. Illumi appeared to actually love Carol, but he had a horrible way of showing it. He scowled, wanting so badly to just run away and take Carol with him- Killua bolted upright, latching onto the thought as his mind raced with possibilities.

"Killua? Is something wrong?" Carol asked worriedly. "Nothing Nee-san! I just need to do something!" He replied brightly, shooting out from his seat and running to the mansion. He dismissed Canary and logged onto the computer he had gotten for a present, surfing the web.

The Hunter Exam was scheduled in a few months, giving him plenty of time to prepare. He had already entertained the thought when he came across the website a month ago but didn't go further. But now that Carol was thrown into the mix, things got along more serious. Killua gripped his table. It's all or nothing now.

* * *

Carol rested a hand on the Testing Gate, wondering where Killua was. The boy had asked her to wait here while he did something, and for whatever reason told her to pack a change of clothes and necessities, as well as money. He said he wanted to do something but refused to say anything more. She sighed, wondering what Killua was planning.

She listened for Mike, who had gone off to wherever he went in free time. She perked at the sound of light footsteps crackling on fallen leaves towards her. Killua burst from the forest, grabbing her by the hand and pulling her towards the side door.

"Notimetoexplainlet's GO!" The boy blustered, dragging her along as they raced down the mountain. "W-wait, where are we going?" She asked, confusion clouding her thoughts as they went into the airport.

"Airship first, talk later." Killua replied firmly as he presented tickets to a attendant. They were ushered into a private room where Killua finally relaxed, slumping onto the couch. Only then did he begin to explain. When he was done, Carol was shocked speechless. A few moments later, the graveness of the situation dawned on her.

"What were you thinking?" She cried, seizing Killua by the shoulders before jerking away at the contact. "Oh no, Illumi is going to be so, so mad. What are we going to do?" She whimpered, curling into a ball.

She flinched away as Killua reached out for her, instead focusing on Illumi. He was going to furious at her for leaving. How could she leave him like that? She should have pulled away and realized what Killua was planning.

She shook, thinking of the trouble they must have caused. Not to mention the fact Killua attacked Kikyou. She had been bad, and Illumi was going to be so disappointed in her-

Carol froze as Killua hugged her tightly, patting her back soothingly. She slowly relaxed, sinking into the hug that only a few years ago she would be giving.

"It's okay Carol. We'll just tell them that we went to take the Hunter Exam for fun, and that you didn't know what I was planning. You stayed with me in case something happened too. Don't worry, we won't be found since Illumi went for a week-long job that's halfway around the world, plus he can't be contacted. It's going to be okay." Killua reassured, even as his heart twisted at the fear his older sister was displaying.

Carol wasn't quite convinced, but she accepted it for now. The Hunter Exam was in a month time. Time to get going.

* * *

Carol heaved a sigh as they finally found the place and entered the elevator. Killua stood next to her, practically radiating confidence that she wished she could feel. They were being too open with their appearances. She doubted there were many white-haired woman with a blindfold accompanied by a similar-looking brother.

She went into Zetsu before the doors opened and Killua tugged her to a nearby seat. She slumped into it, reaching out with her senses for Nen users. Interestingly, there were only a couple. One with a rather quiet Nen that felt...strange, and he made a click-clacking sound as he moved that made her skin crawl. There was something about him that she couldn't quite place...

Carol froze as she sensed a presence that shouldn't be here, couldn't be here, yet was making its way towards her. As Killua glared at the presence suspiciously, she could feel her mouth moving before she could think.

"Hisoka." The jester smirked, sitting down beside her. She waved Killua away, gesturing for them to leave them alone.

"My, my Carol. You have gone and done something. I wasn't sure you would, given your current condition." Hisoka spoke eying her.

The jester had stared at her for a full minute after _that_ when Illumi wasn't around and patted her head in a rare display of comfort. She broke down seconds later, and Hisoka had comforted her as best as he could. There had been a sense of annoyance, disappointment and a faint sense of sadness. He did not appreciate his toys being broken, especially not those that were the closest and oldest.

"Wait! Illumi isn't here, is he?" She gasped, throwing out her En and searching through the room. Only the strongest felt the change, and they would be hard-pressed to pin it on her. Why would anyone choose her, the blind and frail-looking woman? Although she could feel a several stares due to Hisoka sitting next to her.

She didn't feel a hint of Illumi's oppressive aura, causing her to relax slightly and withdraw her En. The jester watched her, his mouth pressed into a thin line. Carol could remember Hisoka telling her about how he failed the Hunter's Exam by almost killing a examiner and that he would be retaking it this year. It had been so long ago that she had dismissed it for idle chatter.

"Now Carol. What exactly is your plan for dealing with this?" Hisoka asked, gesturing at her. She wilted, having put the thought out of her mind. The jester tutted disapprovingly and walked away without a glance, causing her to shiver. She had a bad feeling.

* * *

Carol sighed as they ran down the dark tunnel. Of all the things, why did it have to be running? Her stamina when it came to it sucked, and she was tiring despite only running for half a hour. She could summon a Onyx beast, but she didn't want to draw more attention.

Killua noticed and offered her his skateboard, which she accepted gratefully. She jumped as a man suddenly shouted at her. Something about cheating? The shout cut off as she turned to face him while Killua jumped in with a scathing retort of his own.

"She's not cheating!" A young voice piped up, and she turned to the voice, slowing the skateboard. "The examiner said to follow him, not run after him!" The boy spoke up again, and she got the feeling he was smiling at her. Even Killua paused at the words, so she kicked the skateboard up and hit the ground running, letting Killua to grab his board.

"How old are you?" She asked curiously, guessing near Killua's age. "I'm 12! Oh, my name is Gon!" The boy replied cheerfully, causing her to smile.

"My name is Carol. This annoying boy here is Killua, my brother-in law." She chuckled as the man, who had been listening, appeared to deflate. "Hey!" Killua complained, giving her a playful smack.

"I'm Leorio! If you don't mind, where's your husband?" Leorio added hastily, causing Carol and Killua to freeze. "Is something wrong?" Gon asked, tilting his head in confusion.

"My husband is on a business trip. The Exam was spontaneous, as he tends to be overprotective." She answered as truthfully as she could, forcing a laugh. Gon nodded in understanding, and they kept running in a comfortable silence.

Carol didn't notice the increasing click-clacking behind her and focused stare.


	15. Gittaraucker

Carol let out a breath of relief as they finally reached the end of the tunnel and waved slightly to Kurapika. They had been introduced further along the run, and she felt something off about the man. There was a faint sense of anger about him, buried deep inside. She would have to keep a eye on him. She tilted her head as someone stepped out from behind the building, yelling something about the examiner, Satoz, being a imposter. She only paid attention when Hisoka threw a bunch of cards at the newcomers and examiner, the latter catching them.

"I see, I see." The jester mused as he shuffled his cards, "That is the real examiner. The examiners are Hunters specially handpicked by the Hunter Exam, so they would most definitely be able to catch my cards." He proclaimed, catching the cards Satoz threw back.

The crowd began to murmur, looking sheepish while Killua scoffed at Leorio, who had bought into the deception. Soon they were running again, and Carol nudged Killua as she sensed several creatures approaching them through the fog. Right on cue, a huge monster came close enough for most people to see, though she had sensed it several paces back.

The fog did nothing to hinder her movements, it even helped as she felt for shifts in it that warned her of the monsters. She jumped towards the creature, startling all except Killua as she formed a Onyx sword and sliced cleanly through the creature's neck. She jumped back down while Killua applauded her as the rest stared openly. She fidgeted at their gazes until Gon suddenly burst out, showering her with praises excitedly.

She smiled weakly, confused by the turn of events but motioned for the group to follow. They passed dozens of corpses, all who fell prey to the swamps' deadly predators. They soon found Satoz and the few dozen with him, until suddenly Gon, Leorio and Kurapika disappeared. Killua paused for a moment at the revelation before shrugging and continuing on.

Carol hummed, reaching out with her En and finally found , them. Kurapika was a little off, but Leorio and Gon were with...Hisoka? The jester turned at her En, and she noted a few corpses around them. She almost turned around right there but focused on following Killua. Hisoka was emitting huge amounts of bloodlust, so he definitely found one of them a toy. That meant they would be safe for now.

She sighed, sending a prayer to the two and continued on. They soon reached their destination.

Carol breathed a sigh of relief and slumped onto the ground, leaning against a tree. Killua chuckled as he sat down next to her, but a tinge of worry coated it. He had grown surprisingly attached to their new found acquaintances.

_Carol didn't dare to use the word 'friends', not now or ever._

She tilted her head, patting his hair gently. The boy squirmed away and suddenly gasped. Hisoka was walking towards them with a unconscious Leorio slung over one shoulder. "Not to worry. He's in perfect health, just unconscious ◇" Hisoka said, waving cheerfully to her.

She sighed, reaching out to check Leorio's vitals before waving the jester away. Hisoka walked towards Gittarackur and began talking with him. She frowned at the act. Did they know each other, or did was Hisoka just being annoying? She tensed as Gittarackur turned to her and darted to Killua's side.

She didn't answer Killua, simply curling up beside him as she checked on Gittarackur. The man had was still staring at her, causing her to flinch away and tighten her muscles. Killua stared at her but forgot about it as Gon and Kurapika finally arrived. She hid behind the tree instead, still using her senses to check on Gittarackur. She stepped back out cautiously when he turned away to talk to Hisoka. The man was dangerous, and had noticed her. This was bad.

* * *

Cooking.

Of all the things Carol expected from the Hunter Exam, this was not it. They trailed behind Gon, who had excellent tracking skills from living on a island. She would use her En, but the creatures of the forest were abnormal and would definitely sense and flee at her powerful En.

Soon, they entered a clearing and she could tell they had found the pigs by the group's gasp. They weren't ordinary pigs of course, each half the size of Mike. She hummed, wondering how best to kill them without damaging the meat. She startled as all of the participants came crashing out of the forest towards the pigs, having all found them at the same time.

Gon and the rest joined, leaving her and Killua to stare dumbly. How could they charge in so recklessly? Killua barked a laugh before grabbing her hand and pulling her along. She hummed following Killua as he sized up a nearby pig. Just then, Gon shouted something about the foreheads being the pigs' weakness.

She could practically hear the smirk Killua was wearing as he sent a powerful punch straight to their pig's forehead. He killed one for her too, much to her protests. Carol hummed as she got to preparing, slicing up the pork into thick slabs.

What could she make with pork and her limited ingredients? Ah, if only they were supposed to make sweets instead. She would destroy the competition then. In the end she just made pork chop with fries on the side. Her's was the first Menchi tasted, though it apparently wasn't good enough. She still got praised for making the best of her limited ingredients, so that was something.

Anyway, she highly doubted that they would be allowed to all just fail for such a unfair competition. Sure enough, after they were all declared failed, she heard a airship above them. Someone dropped down from it, landing direct before them and forming a large crater. Barely a hint of Nen flowed of his pores, but she couldn't discern it properly. It seemed weak, but everything screamed at her to stay away from the man.

She took a step back to stay beside Killua and pulled Gon over. After a short conversation between the newcomer, who was apparently the chairman of the Hunter Association, they were whisked away in the airship to another location.

* * *

Carol groaned as she sensed Menchi jumping off the cliff and onto the thin spider webs below. Why was literally every phase one of her weakness? It was going to be so hard to grab one of the threads and let go at the right time to grab a egg and catch the up-draft!

"Hey Carol-san, how are you going to get your egg?" Gon asked worriedly, following her thoughts.

"Don't doubt my nee-san! She's way stronger than both of us!" Killua boasted, and she smiled at the pride in his voice. She stood beside them, listening to a few idiots jump off. She aimed her En into the canyon, pausing to feel the thin webs running across the gap. She shifted into position and got ready to jump with the rest.

She leaped at the signal, most of the participants following suit. She grabbed a thread and swung lightly before heaving herself up. She wobbled for a bit but stayed standing, earning a few compliments at the feat. Balance had always been the few things she beat Illumi at after all.

Carol froze at the thought, immediately panicking on her carefree behavior before. She was being so stupid; she couldn't afford to let down her guard now! She snapped back to reality as the web creaked ominously, unable to handle everyone's combined weight. Killua and the rest still decided to trust Gon's nose to tell them when a up-draft was coming. Anyway if it came down to it she could have some Onyx spread out from the wall and formed a platform for them all.

"Go!" Gon shouted and they all released their grips or in her case, jumped. She grabbed a egg as she fell, relishing the cold wind rushing pass her. She hummed, feeling her Onyx move inside the wall closest to her downwards in a attempt to follow. She wondered briefly how deep the canyon was and was then blown up by a warm blast of air.

Gon and Killua whooped as they flew up, along with a few relieved cries from the participants. Carol flipped mid-air to land gracefully back where she leaped off earlier.

"Show-off!" Killua complained, pushing her. She smiled while Menchi called for them to come cook their eggs. She caught the now cooked egg Killua had helped her boil and broke apart the shell. She bit into it, startling at the delicious and gooey egg yolk that spilled into her mouth.

"This is great!" Gon cheered as everyone else started eating enthusiastically. Carol smiled as Killua wolfed down his egg and passed him the rest of hers. Perhaps participating in the Exam wasn't such a bad idea after all. It's been years since they ate such delicious poison-free food after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoped you liked it!


	16. A tower

Killua pulled his sister off the flying ship, looking around. They were on a tower called 'Trickster's Tower'.

"So we have to find a way down?" Carol asked, tilting her head. "Guess so. Let's start looking." Killua replied, pairing up with Gon.

Half an hour later, Killua turned as Carol called his name. He gestured to Gon and went over. His sister was drifting towards a certain area, her hand outstretched. Then she stepped on a pressure plate and fell in. Killua lurched forward, missing her by inches.

"Carol!" He shouted, pounding on the slab she had fallen through, which didn't budge. "Damm it!" He cursed, circling the area.

"Killua! There's more trapdoors!" Gon called, pointing. They probably lead down to the tower, Killua mused, shaking off his panic. Carol was more than capable of looking after herself. They called Kurapika and Leorio over to step on the other four trapdoors. They all fell into the same room, and Killua spun in hope of his sister being here too. He found her crouched in a corner, standing up at his call.

"Don't do that!" He complained, hugging his sister. "Sorry, I didn't expect that." Carol apologized as a voice, most likely the examiner, informed them of what they had to do. Phase 3 of the Hunter Exam had begun.

* * *

Carol followed the group, randomly pushing buttons on her watch until Kurapika was kind enough to help her. Soon they were in a large room where she could sense five other people in the room. She barely paid attention to the voice sounding from the speakers that informed them of the game.

From what she could tell, none of them except one at the very back was even a little strong, and even then Gon could take him out. A man stepped forward, and he was among the top three of the group. Carol hummed and stepped forward, waving aside Leorio and Kurapika's protests.

"Don't look down on my sister. She's far stronger than any of you." Killua barked, tossing her a polished dagger from his bag. She caught it by the hilt and started forward.

"A girl? And a blind one at that. It's been years since I killed someone, but I don't mind this at all." The man laughed, his manacles dropping to the ground. He was an mercenary of some sort, though not very skilled.

Mercenaries were always compared to assassins, much to the latter's annoyance. Assassins were far more refined than those barbarians, who thought strength was everything. Carol fell into a stance, activating her En.

The man dashed forward, his arm pulling back for a blow that left him wide open. She swung, plunging the dagger into his side and twisting it. The man cried out as she pulled it out and dodged his wild punches. She paused, judging where the man's heart was before striking.

She enforced the dagger with Nen, sliding it between the man's ribs and into his heart. Carol pulled it out, tossing the dagger back to Killua while the man fell to his knees. He gurgled in surprise, blood rushing out of his chest. She stepped back as blood splattered, walking back to their side.

"Good job Nee-san!" Killua cheered, ignoring the stares from both the prisoners and Kurapika and Leorio.

"Carol and Killua come from a family of assassins!" Gon explained, causing Leorio to move back while Kurapika stared at her. She curled up , against the wall and fell asleep.

* * *

"Carol-san! We won!" Carol startled as Gon shook her awake and got up. "You missed a lot! I went after you, and this guy had a competition to see who's candle would burn out first! It was a trick, so just went and blew his flame out! Smart right? Then Kurapika went next, and then he got all scary and powerful! He defeated his opponent, who was a fake member of the Phantom Troupe! Apparently Kurapika goes crazy whenever he sees any spiders!" Gon chattered endlessly, but Carol latched onto the spider part.

Kurapika hated the Phantom Troupe. She wasn't part of them officially, so it shouldn't be a problem. They entered a room with weapons lining the walls. She rested a hand on a longsword, wondering what they were for. The examiner told them there were two paths, one short, one long. They were allowed to fight to see who would go which path.

"Nee-san and I will take the long path then. We run way faster than any of you." Killua decided, already tugging her along. "What! But what if you don't make it?" Gon asked, although Leorio was already heading for the short path.

"It's fine. We only came here for fun anyway." Carol replied, sharing a bar of chocolate with Killua for the trip. She ignored the others' curiosity at the fact that someone would come to the Hunter Exam, which had numerous causalities, for fun.

"See you at the other side!" Killua called cheerfully and they took off. "How long do you think we'll be running?" She asked, summoning a Onyx wolf for her to ride on. "A few hours at most, I guess. I'll run for an hour, then give me a Onyx horse." Killua replied, eating another piece of chocolate as they ran. Carol hummed, hugging her wolf tightly and kept pace with Killua.

* * *

Killua let out a breath as they finally reached the exit. He hopped of his black steed, which pawed the ground before melting into a puddle and seeping into the ground. Carol slid off her wolf, looking sleepy as she walked to his side.

"C'mon, we can rest when we get through the door." Killua encouraged, pulling his sister through the doorway.

"Killua! Carol-san!" Gon called, waving eagerly from where he was sitting with Leorio and Kurapika. The Zoldycks limped over and sat down, relaxing. "You guys were so fast! And you only look a little tired!" Gon praised, passing them some crackers and water.

"I excelled at endurance training back home. Nee-san has...special abilities." Killua rasped, downing the water while Carol nibbled on a cracker. "Well, we still have a lot more to go until time's up. Wanna play cards?" Gon asked, pulling out a deck. Carol choked and looked away, a smile on his face. Killua raised a eyebrow but nodded to Gon. His sister would destroy them all at the game anyway.

"Straight flush." Carol announced, smacking her cards onto the pile. The group gaped while Killua cackled next to her.

"B-but how?! You can't even see your cards!" Leorio yelped. Killua had to sit out of the game and whisper all her cards to her. Luck and strategy had her winning for ten rounds straight. Leorio was about to continue complaining when a voice announced the end of the exam.

All the surviving participants filed out of the tower and into the bright sunlight. The examiner pushed a cart out in front of them and tells them to each draw a card. Killua sighs, and wonders when will something interesting happen.

Carol listens as they are each called to draw a card in the order of when they completed the tower. She draws her card and wanders back to the boys, who are both staring at each other.

 **Just show each other and be done with it,** Carol thinks privately as they grip their cards. She hums as someone lets it slip how relieved he was that they didn't have to kill each other for points. This, of course, results in a announcement that it was completely legal for getting points. Well, this would be annoying.

From what she could tell only Hisoka and Gittarackur were capable of killing her and Killua, although the ninja guy would be tough for Kil. Carol hummed, showing Killua her card.

"Oh, you can't track them properly, can you? Hm, guess you should just find three badges instead." Killua mused, studying the crowd for the required badge. Almost everyone had already hidden their badge however.

"Who's your target Gon?" She asked, turning to the boy. Gon had yet to see his card and showed it to them first. "Badge 44." Killua read aloud and a tense atmosphere descended around them.

"You're so dead." Killua suddenly deadpanned, causing Gon to pout. "He drew Hisoka's number!" Killua explained to her, snickering. Carol turns to where Hisoka is standing, engrossed with his own card and searching.

He noticed her stare and smirks, refusing to tell her his card. She wasn't in too much danger if he drew her number anyway. She was fairly certain that he had yet to deem her ripe enough to kill. Carol noted the tense mood over a certain pair of adults and wonders what their cards are. If Leorio and Kurapika don't want to tell them however, then fine.

* * *

Carol stepped off the boat and plonked down on the sand. "U-um, you're supposed to go." The woman tells her, clearly confused.

"I'm waiting for my brother." She replied, nodding to Killua. The examiner was obviously confused but checks her name off anyway. "You didn't have to wait for me, y'know." Killua complained as he hopped off the boat. Carol smiled and followed him into the forest.

"I think we should just wander around and wait for the people with our number to come for us." Killua mused as they set up camp an hour later next to the river. She hummed, considering the plan.

"That might take a while, so we should go around and find people too." She replied, rolling out the blankets.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll take first watch." Killua sighs, leaning against a tree to stare into the distance. Carol curls up on the blanket, and just in case she sets a small En circle around them. After using En so often and regularly, she could now use it when she was sleeping.

It wasn't too big of a range, but it still impressed Father and Grandpa. Her thoughts wandered to the house and Kalluto and Alluka and Illumi before she shook it off.

Despite Killua's unwavering faith that they would be fine, she couldn't shake the dread that Illumi would soon find them. He would not let his wife and favorite brother go so easily. Carol shivered, banishing the thoughts and fell into a restless sleep.


	17. Hunting time

Killua growled, picking his way through the mess of tangled roots. Carol followed, practically gliding across the ground so effortlessly Killua scowled. His big sister always made things look so easy and graceful.

He squinted through the dense canopy of leaves above him, searching for the afternoon sun. He turned his head to stare at the shadows and bushes, catching a hint of human skin and clothes. **That guy sucks,** he sighs internally before letting his gaze travel idly to the treetops above.

The one up there was a different matter. Killua would have missed him if Illumi hadn't taught him how to sense for a person's aura or presence. He was the ninja dude, and was pretty skilled.

 **Nee-san could take him out in seconds though,** he scoffed, glancing at where his sister was waiting for him. Carol tilted her head, silently asking when they would deal with them. Ninja dude wasn't tracking them specifically, but instead the three guys hanging behind them. He was probably wary of Carol, who he had asked to stare directly at where the man was hiding. Otherwise he would have struck already.

The three dudes behind them however were hunting his or Nee-san's badge. Stupid triplets. Killua yawned, wondering if any of the four had either of the badges they needed.

If they did, then the remaining three would go to the one who didn't have their badge. If they didn't, then they would have to look for two more or either of their required badges.

Man, this phase, though slightly more interesting, was still irritating as hell. Seven days? Please. Anyway, the triplets were probably going to attack in a few hours. Then the hunt would really begin.

* * *

Carol leaned against the tree trunk, crossing her legs on a huge root. She listened to Killua threaten the triplets, showing off the difference in power. She snapped her fingers loudly, telling the boy to hurry up.

If there was one thing she respected about the Zoldycks, it was their ability to complete their missions smoothly and efficiently. No flaunting or unnecessary moves. Carol didn't like how Killua was toying with the triplets.

She waited as Killua grabbed the badges he needed and throwing a glance to where Ninja was before throwing one of the badges. Leaves rustled as the man went after the badge. Killua snickered, grabbing her hand and ushering her along.

"I switched the badges. Now we only need to find 2 more for you." Killua chuckled, earning a sigh from her. "C'mon. Let's go find some people." Carol replied, unleashing her En.

_Gon was going after Hisoka, along with someone else. Leorio and Kurapika are sticking together, no sign of their prey. Ninja sitting down, dejectedly holding up the wrong badge. Gittarackur sitting down and waiting for somebody; Hisoka maybe?_

She focused her En, searching for someone nearby and- S

he took off, running through the bushes at a unbelievable speed, breaking branches that got in her way. Killua cursed behind her, already far, far away. Carol had a tendency to go into instinct mode when she was focused on something.

~~_Another thing Illumi had drilled into her over the years to prevent her from hesitating._ ~~

She skidded to a stop a few miles away, formulating a plan as Killua caught up. "Its this guy with a monkey. He's pretty weak, so kill or not?" She asked as the albino pulled up beside her.

"Kill." Killua replied easily, the syllable flowing out from his mouth. Carol noted mutely and pounced. It was over in a flash. She ripped the man's heart out in a fashion similar to what Killua did in the tower. There was still some blood, but the clap from Killua showed it was far better than his.

She rummaged around for the man's badge and stuffed it in her pocket. 1 down, 2 more.

After painstakingly finding isolated and nearby participants to avoid drawing attention, they were finally done. By then 5 days had gone by, though they decided to leave Gon and the rest to their own hunting. They found a nice tree to camp out at the branches and waited for the time to run out. They settled onto two thick branches close together and sat in silence.

* * *

"Carol." Carol awoke drowsily as Killua called her name, shifting over. "Can you sing me the song you sang when I was younger?" The boy asked shyly. She tilted her head at the request but began to hum the first few bars.

She had sung it to all the Zoldyck children, even Illumi. There were tweaks here and there, but the meaning was the same. She continued to hum, working on the melody in her head to suit the situation before beginning.

_It has been months and years,_

_Since I have been separated from my world._

Carol sang softly as Killua edged closer.

_But what I wish for will never change,_

_If I have you that's all I ever need._

She patted the boy's hair, remembering her own white locks.

_So I'll stay by your side, And make sure you're safe._

She could feel Killua slowly drifting off, his eyelids drooping.

_Show me the new world I'm in and let me fly~_

She finished, listening to the deep and even breaths coming from Killua. She smiled softly and carefully leaned the boy against the tree trunk and kept watch. 

* * *

Carol trailed behind Killua as they walked to the meeting point. She could smell the sea salt by now and could sense several people there as well. They stepped onto soft sand and showed the examiner their badges and cards. She sat down on a rock while Killua went to look for signs of Gon and the rest at the forest edge.

"My my, what have you been up to, Carol~♡" She tensed as Hisoka took a seat next to her. "None of your business." She retorted, edging away. "What do you think of Gon, hm? ♤" Hisoka asked suddenly, capturing her attention again.

"He's a good boy." She said carefully, wondering why the jester asked. "Don't play coy. You can feel the boy's potential. Similar to your own brother, no? ◇" Hisoka smiled down at her.

"What are you planning, Hisoka?" She sighed, leaning back in her hands. "Ding-dong! I want to add them to my collection, of course ♡" The jester purred, chuckling as Carol snarled.

"No worries, I won't touch them yet. They aren't ripe ♤" Hisoka patted her head and sauntered back to Gittarackur. She shuddered, walking back to Killua.

It was a bad idea to come to the Hunter Exam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment!


	18. A sibling's love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm proud of the phrase that I came up with

_Sometimes we keep secrets not just from others, but ourselves._

Killua stared at the board, scowling. Carol only had one match, which was to be expected, but why did Gon have less than him? He glared at the Chairman, who stroked his beard whimsically. He huffed, telling Carol her first match and that Gon's was with Hanzo. Gon was strong, but not enough. The match would be one-sided.

* * *

Killua watched Hanzo slammed Gon into the ground. Carol stood next to him, tilting her head at the loud crack. Gon still stared back defiantly, unwilling to admit defeat. **Despite never having torture training in his life, he can still hide the pain well, huh?** Killua thought as the two argued about something. The boy was then swiftly knocked out and Hanzo admitted defeat.

"Why did you do that? I'm sure you could have won." Killua asked, confused. "Despite the pain I had caused him, his eyes held no hostility for me. I couldn't bring it in me to continue." Hanzo sighed, carrying Gon to the infirmary.

Killua processed the words and wondered what kind of stupid reasoning was that. For all his talk about being powerful, the guy clearly had no real experience in killing. He frowned at the thought and looked up at his big sister.

He wondered what she was thinking. He gave up in his next few matches, deciding to wait for someone else. Carol didn't like the strategy, but let it go. And then his next match came. The moment Gittarackur stepped out of line, Carol tensed and grabbed Killua.

"What were you thinking? He's dangerous!" The woman snarled in a rare display of anger. He was about to ask more when he was called. He glanced at his sister, wondering if he had made the right decision. He stood opposite the man, readying his stance.

Then Gittarackur began pulling needles from his face.

Killua's confusion slowly turned into horror as the man's face began to change.

Gittaracker's face smoothed out, turning the same shade as Killua's own pale skin. His hair turned black and grew, flowing down to frame his face. His body twisted, turning back into the familiar, thin figure most Zoldycks had from their poisonous diet. Illumi opened his eyes to reveal pupil-less eyes so black they were purple and so purple they were black.

"A-Aniki?" Killua croaked out, terrified. A scream rang through the air, and they both turned to see Carol covering her mouth. "Wait, if he's Killua's brother, then that's your husband?" Leorio yelped while Kurapika edged back from the tense atmosphere.

"Illumi." Carol finally spoke, staring at Illumi. "Why are you here?" Killua could see Carol shaking now and hated what his brother had done to Carol. Beautiful, strong Carol who was now so delicate that you could smash her into pieces like a **porcelain doll** with the _right words_.

"What do you want, Aniki." Killua snapped, glaring at the man.

"You sliced up Mother, Kill. She was crying after you left." Illumi spoke, ignoring the 'Of course!' from Leorio. "She was so proud of you." Illumi continued and in any other circumstances Killua would laugh at Leorio's face.

"So what?" He hissed back, snapping his head around when Carol fell to her knees. "Carol!" He cried out, watching her fold in on herself. Hisoka was standing next to her now, his lips pressed into a line as he studied her.

Killua whipped his head back to Illumi, mouth opening when the man's hand snaked forward. They were standing close enough - _when did that happen?_ \- that if Illumi leaned forward and reached out he could touch Killua.

"Let's make this easier. If I touch you, then it means you have decided to fight. I will do the same thing and defeat you. Same goes for if you move. And after your defeat, I'll kill Gon." Illumi said emotionlessly. Killua froze at the words, shaking at the thought of Gon dying.

Gon, the first friend he ever had and shined so bright even Carol could feel it. And now Illumi was threatening to kill him.

"Assassins don't make friends. Really, I taught you that many times now." Illumi sighs, his hand creeping towards him.

Killua flashes back to all the times Illumi did so - _boys playing soccer now with needles in their brains, spared children of a target fed to Mike_ \- and shivers. He wants to move, away from Illumi and his oppressive aura but he can't, because if he does Gon is dead.

Leorio and Kurapika and Hanzo(?) move to protect Gon, and Killua want to cry because their attempts were so pathetic.

"I shouldn't have let Carol be so soft on you." Killua blinks as Illumi finishes. "It's not her fault." He snarls, anger bubbling in his throat. Illumi stares at him, his hand falling back to his side. The man appears to consider his next words for a long time before finally speaking.

"You love Carol, don't you? You love her as much as I do." Illumi began, his voice low. "And she loves you back. The favorite little brother she never even saw." Illumi's voice was so soft even Carol couldn't hear them.

Killua fought against the words, refusing to acknowledge them. Pushing down the small part - _the monster_ \- in him that purred in agreement. He hated the words, hated what they suggested.

Killua had always known that Carol loved Illumi, even when it destroyed her from within. But he also knew that despite their unbreakable bond, Carol would choose him over Illumi. He was delighted that Carol loved him more than Illumi, her own husband.

It was a sibling's love - _unlike his own_ \- but powerful all the same. He loved that while Carol would be die for him just as fast as she would for Illumi. It was clear, even if Carol herself didn't realize. It had sickened him when he first learned of it.

Why couldn't he love Carol properly - _like he did with Alluka and Nanika_ \- as a brother should? Killua was the one ray in Carol's life and had always stayed by her side. He was different from Illumi, because he would do anything to prevent Carol from choosing like that.

He gritted his teeth, staring defiantly back into blank, black eyes. Illumi was a monster who took away Carol's eyes and broke her. Killua glanced at Carol, who was shaking and all he wanted to do was hug her.

"Let's not be hasty, Kill. How long can you keep Carol away from me? Would she want a life of running away?" Killua flinched at the words, hating the logic and truth in them.

Illumi would hunt them down for as long as they lived. And unlike Carol, Illumi didn't love him enough - _Killua never knew how wrong he was here_ \- and would kill him if he could get to Carol. His position as heir would not save him. Killua shook despite himself, warring between his emotions.

"Your only option is to give up, Kill. I need a Hunter license, so I have to wait until after the exam to kill your _'friends'_. That's why I'm giving you a choice now." Illumi sighed, his hand reaching out again. For a moment Killua entertained the thought of defeating Illumi or at least distracting him.

**_A wishful fantasy, of course._ **

Killua closed his eyes and parted his lips.

"I give up."

Killua watched numbly as Illumi clapped his hands, delighted. "Good job. I knew you would come around." Illumi praised, patting his head. Killua nodded dully, falling into step behind his Aniki.

Illumi helped Carol to her feet and whispered something to her. Killua watched and gave her a hug, internally apologizing again and _again_ _and again_.

**Coward.**

His mind whispered, disgusted.

He accepted the words, standing beside Carol and preparing for what he had to do next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	19. Back to where we began

_Love is like a song._

It soars into the sky and falls flat on the ground. It calls long and loud and whispers quietly and softly. Love follows you in the day and cocoons you at night.

But sometimes it gets too much.

It follows you everywhere you go and decides it too. It wraps you up so tight at night you feel like you're suffocating in soft blankets. Love is never like the fairytales we want. It screams all day and cries all night.

_Love is like a paper plane, light and fleeting._

Love used to be beautiful, passionate and kind. But when put in the wrong hands it turns horrible and twisted and poisonous. It seeps into you slowly, just barely there as it nests deep in your heart. It slumbers, rising when your loved one comes and howling when they leave. It reminds you that you are entirely at their mercy.

Love can **break** you and _heal_ you and shatter you and _**mend**_ you again and again until you are gasping for air and screaming.

Carol knows that better than anyone. That's what love is when you fall for someone like Illumi. She loved him so much and still did because she knew what he was like before. She couldn't stay away for too long, couldn't do that lest she started to break down.

Illumi had probably placed a needle in her, but she decided not to care. Why bother fighting back when that would just cripple her more? She allowed herself to stay away for so long because of Killua.

Perfect, precious Killua who she had never even seen. Who showed her love that Illumi should have and escaped just to bring her along. Carol wondered how Killua managed to dance away from the claws of his family.

She had loved Illumi with everything she had and she knew he did too. It still wasn't enough to save him.

The presence of Hisoka, the closest thing she had to a friend also helped ease the burning pain in her heart. The monster that roared, demanding the poisonous love that it had grown on.

Carol had never believed in Killua's plan, and put up with it because she loved the boy. But she knew it was doomed. It was nice to meet Gon, who shined brightly even when she couldn't see, Leorio, who was perfectly ordinary but managed to survive the Hunter Exam, Kurapika, who was mysterious but kind. They would all be dead if Illumi could have his way.

Carol dropped to her knees, all of these hitting her at full force as Illumi spoke to her. Blood roared in her ears and she shook and shook because she had been so, so bad. She left Illumi without so much as a word and with Killua, the only other person he cherished.

Briefly she thought of Hisoka, who most likely knew Illumi was here and had been nicer than usual. He really was a good friend when it came down to it. Carol listened numbly as Illumi talked to Killua, hearing her name ever so faintly here and there.

The conversation was for the two Zoldycks in the arena, the words so soft even she could not hear. She could hear Leorio shouting at her and Kurapika's distant whispers before they went to protect...Gon?

She almost laughed at the thought. Them? Protect Gon? Not a single one of them knew Nen, and Illumi or her or even Killua could kill them easily by ripping out their hearts. Their still alive bodies would drop to the ground a second later to say their last words.

She bowed her head, waiting for Killua's final decision. Unsurprisingly, Killua conceded defeat. Illumi's lessons had been drilled too thoroughly into the boy's head for anything else. Illumi walked over then, pulling her up.

"It's alright Carol. I'm here." He said affectionately. She nodded, leaning against him and blocked out Leorio and Kurapika and Hanzo's protests. Killua walked over, most likely staring at her with dull eyes.

She hugged him, smoothing his white locks. She looked up, feeling Netero's gaze on her. She could imagine his thoughtful gaze as he took in the three Zoldycks, so different and similar in a hundred ways. Everything else was a muddled mess afterwards.

She remembered winning her match easily, barely hearing the tortured cries of her opponent. Then Killua interfering with a match by killing one the fighters. He left and soon after she was sitting in a hall while she waited with Illumi to receive their Hunter license. Then the doors slammed open and Gon stomped in, heading straight for them. 

"Apologize to Killua!" The boy barked, and Carol wasn't sure who he was referring to. "Why should I do that?" She could hear the confusion and just a hint of irritation in Illumi's voice.

"You did all those horrible things to him even though you're his brother! You don't deserve to call yourself that!" Gon demanded and she could feel him look to her. "I need to earn the right to call myself Killua's brother? That makes no sense." Illumi replied, already losing interest in the conversation.

As he turned away, Gon grabbed the man's arm and flipped him. Illumi landed gracefully, unbothered by the sudden throw. Carol listened as Gon tightened his grip, causing a crack. Immediately she lurched forward, ripping Gon's hand away and pulling Illumi back to her.

"Thank you. Though it didn't hurt." Illumi said, patting her head. Gon gaped at her, clearly confused by the events. "Don't you love Killua? I saw you guys! He loves you too Carol-san!" Gon protested, stepping forward. She stilled at the sentence, turning to face Gon.

"Gon, Killua is the Zoldyck heir and the most powerful seen in generations. We cannot simply let him go as his older siblings." Carol spoke, her voice emotionless. Leorio and Kurapika talked about brainwashing, and others cut in, but she didn't care. Gon was watching her, processing the truth in her words.

"Don't you care, Carol-san? They'll hurt him and you." Gon tried again, and Carol felt anger. "You think I don't know that?!" She snarled, bloodlust infusing her words. The outburst sent shivers down everyone in the room, except the chairman and Illumi. Hisoka whimpered in delight, but everyone ignored the jester.

"You think Illumi didn't go through assasain training too? You think all of us didn't think of it at one point? Of course we did! Illumi's father went through heir training and so did his grandfather! But you didn't think of that, because you can't see anything beyond yourself!" She spat, breathing heavily. Illumi was still silent, though she knew it was fine. She wouldn't have been allowed to display such emotion if she was saying the wrong thing.

Gon was most likely having a very rude awakening now, and although her tone could use some work, she didn't regret it. She was right, despite how harsh it seemed. Gon had lived in his own small world for years, and now that he had a new friend he immediately thought he knew best.

While it was true that to normal people the Zoldyck's training seemed harsh and cruel, but it was necessary. It would helped them survive the dangers of the outside world, and teach them how to act.

None of the Zoldycks had seen anything wrong with it, as they had been conditioned from birth to treat it as a part of life. Kikyou was naturally cruel and wicked, having grown up in Meteor City, the world of unknown souls.

Carol had spent half of her life outside and preserving most of her personality before it died out. It still made her more sympathetic and kindhearted if needed. Killua was a special case.

He had been coddled, and although he had gone through special training as heir, Illumi and her had shown him kindness. Carol had been far too soft with him before she broke. She sat down as Netero cleared his throat and began handing out their licenses.

"Carol-san! Wait!" Gon called as they walked out later. She turned as the boy ran up, Kurapika and Leorio hanging back. "U-um, I'm sorry about what I said, but can you at least tell me where Killua is?" He asked hesitantly. Carol considered the question, looking to Illumi for confirmation.

"The Zoldycks live on Mt. Kurokoo. That is all I will tell you." Illumi said, turning away. Carol gave them a small wave before trailing after Illumi. "Was that really alright ◇?" Hisoka asked, leaning against a nearby pillar.

"It can be found easily on any website. How they get to the mansion is another matter entirely." Illumi replied, inspecting his arm. "My, my. He broke it ♡?" Hisoka said excitedly, pleased by Gon's strength.

"Yes. And stop that aura of yours. Let's go, Carol." Illumi said tonelessly, grabbing her hand. She hummed, wondering what was going to happen now.


	20. Seth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just gonna say here that Carol is gonna have huge mood swings now

Carol sat on her bed, feeling unusually calm. Illumi wasn't home yet, since he went to do that job requiring his Hunter's license. Kikyou didn't touch her, as apparently Illumi had given orders not to. She didn't know what Illumi was planning and was surprised to find she didn't feel bothered.

She played with her Onyx, creating various objects and animals. Then she paused, searching for nearby presences. She untied her blindfold and sat on the floor. Onyx seeped out of the ground, becoming solid as it flowed to the spot before her.

Carol raised her hands, imagining herself molding a piece of clay. The Onyx rushed to obey, twisting and stretching and turning and stiffening. A few minutes later, something Carol had not done in a long time stood before her.

"Hello, Master." The voice flowed silkily from the humanoid entity before her. She had not tried to make one in a long time. Illumi had banned them, saying they looked too realistic. Apparently if she tried she could change their colors from something other than black. She had gotten the idea after that day where she went with Illumi and Hisoka to kill a gang.

Her hands had moved on instinct back then, commanding the Onyx to form a demon to kill the leader. She never knew why. She experimented, attempting to create a passable human. It worked, but more surprisingly, the entity had intelligence. It made sense, as the Onyx beasts she made had the same actions and instincts of their real counterparts.

Illumi killed it and it died just like a human would. She couldn't recover the Onyx, no matter how hard she tried. The entity died and didn't melt into a puddle but instead vanished moments after hitting the floor. They never found out why.

"Is there a problem?" The voice spoke again, snapping her out of her thoughts. A young male, she decided. A servant at that. "Hello. Do you have a name?" She asked that question of every entity she made, hoping to glean why they had the minds of a normal human.

"I do not, Master." man replied. "I'll name you Seth, then." She decided, tying back on her blindfold. She didn't know what had prompted her to make Seth, honestly. It was a incontrollable urge to do so.

Carol sighed, walking to her bedroom window. Then she froze. Instantly her En rushed through the glass, racing down the mountain. It dodged the butler's quarters and headed straight for the Testing Gate. There! Her En touched Gon, Kurapika and Leorio. They were actually here.

Despite the countless rumors and warnings the locals probably gave them, they were here. She found Mike, who shifted at her En. The dog was chewing on a small bone, so the group must have seen him feed on a human. She never did figure out how Mike could suck off all the meat clean off the bones and return their skeletons in passable condition.

She paused and stretched out her En further to find Zebro, the gatekeeper. The elderly man tensed at her En, turning to the mansion. Gon was talking to him about something. Why on earth were they here?

All three of them together didn't have the strength to push open even one door. Why did they want to save Killua so much? They were going to get themselves killed. She sat in silence as Zebro opened the Testing Gate, leading Gon and the rest in. They all watched Mike, who sniffed the newcomers.

Carol released her En and paced her bedroom. What could she do? She couldn't just let them waltz in and end up dead! If only she could-

"Seth! I need you to go to the newcomers - their names are Gon, Kurapika and Leorio - and tell them I sent you. Tell them what they are doing will get them killed." She told her new creation urgently.

All of her Onyx beasts had no presence, including the human ones. He would be able to sneak out easily. Even if he could die the same way as a human, the man would still have heightened senses and strength. Seth bowed and left the room.

Carol sank to the floor, breathing hard at what she just ordered. When was the last time she did something so daring, not counting the Exam? She let out a breath and hoped things would be okay.

* * *

Killua didn't flinch as Milluki's whip struck his chest repeatedly. His brother gritted his teeth, annoyed and unnerved by the albino's lack of response. Killua barely noticed the pain, too focused on Carol.

His sister was in trouble, all because of him. The family must be angry that she let Killua escape. He shuddered at what Illumi might do to her when he finally came back home. Killua looked up as Mother walked into the cell, Kalluto following behind.

"Are you done reflecting yet Kill?" Kikyou crooned, touching his cheek with her fan. He resisted the urge to gag. "He isn't, Mother! No matter what I do, he refuses to apologize or say he was wrong!" Milluki whined, being a Mama's boy as usual.

"Well then, a few more hours is in order." Mother frowned. "It's all that woman's fault! How dare she take away my precious Killua!" She shrieked suddenly, snapping her fan shut.

"It's not her fault!" Killua snapped back, surprising her. "Of course it is! Oh, if Illumi didn't forbid me from touching her..." His mother scowled, biting her thumb. Killua perked up at his sister's name.

"Why did he forbid you?" He asked, watching his mother fly into another outburst. "I don't know! But I suppose it's his job to deal with his wife now." Kikyou replied, reopening her fan.

Killua's mind raced, wondering what could this mean. Why did Illumi forbid Mother? So he could punish Carol personally? Killua shook at the thought, his mind snarling savagely at him.

Kikyou suddenly paused, the dot on her visor pulsing and flattening. "Hm, it looks like we have guests. Goodbye, Killua!" His mother walked out, Milluki still trying to talk to her.

Kalluto lagged behind, staring up at him. Killua blinked and stared into Kalluto's eyes. His youngest sibling held the most love for Carol out of the three right now. "Help check on Carol." He mouthed to the boy.

Kalluto hesitated for a moment and nodded. Killua felt relief flood him at the small gesture and slumped. Kalluto ran back out as their mother called for him. Milluki stomped back in, muttering under his breath.

He decided to adopt a slightly defeated look this time as Milluki picked up a electric prod. Being cocky would not help his sentence. They wouldn't lock him up forever, but Killua wanted to be out before Illumi came back.

Carol was the top priority right now. He would negate the punishment on her in any way possible. No matter what.


	21. Stop changing, I can't keep up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mood swings, manipulation, let's gooooo

_She was scared. Scared of being alone again after oh so long. But this needed to be done, for the sake of them both. It wouldn't destroy now, anyway. She was stronger, even if she didn't know by how much. Something needed to give, and it wasn't going to be her._

Carol lay on the floor of her room, spread out. Seth sat next to her, gently combing her hair. It was strange, but it made Carol feel like a child again. Her mother hummed as she gathered up Carol's white locks.

"I'm not running away with Killua." She said out loud, testing the words. "I'm staying at home. Until Illumi comes back."

"But I thought you wanted to leave, Master?" Seth asked, beginning to braid her hair. "If I leave again, Illumi will be angry. He'll hunt us even more, so I have to stay to placate him. And I can't leave Kalluto or Alluka." She replied, slowly sitting up. Seth stayed silent, deftly finishing off her braid.

"How do I convince him to let me stay?" She spoke, tightening her blindfold. Killua would never leave her behind at the hands of Illumi. She needed a concrete reason, one that would make him leave. She could make him go by force, but Carol hated the thought. Gon, perhaps? No, she doubted Killua was attached enough to the boy.

She paced the room, searching for a solution. She couldn't leave Illumi, not when she knew that Killua would be fine. She sighed, burying her face in her hands. For now, she had to tell Killua the news first. She gestured for Seth to leave as she left her quarters, heading for Killua's room. The boy burst out just as she reached for his door, bouncing up and down excitedly.

"Nee-san! Father said we can go! Now Illumi won't chase after us!" He exclaimed proudly, clearly expecting her to rejoice as well. Carol felt her heart sink, because it would be so much harder to convince Killua that she couldn't leave. The boy wouldn't understand that Illumi would disobey even his father if it came down to both of them. His white-haired sibling and wife. So she shut off.

"I can't leave, Killua. I'm staying here." She said. Killua paused, staring up at her in shock. "B-but Father said we can go! Illumi will hurt you when he comes back!" He protested, confusion and horror plain in his voice.

"I'm staying here, Kil. You know I can't leave, not again." She replied patiently. "If you're not going, then I won't either!" Killua clenched his fists, but Carol could hear the slight fear in his voice.

He feared Illumi's return, much, much more than she did. Illumi had taught the boy, after all. And she knew, no matter how much Killua tried to hide it with his smiles and snark and blatant disrespect, that he was slowly cracking under the pressure of his family.

In another year or more, Killua might become a perfect little assassin, groomed to be the strongest Zoldyck in generations. He would never become like Illumi, for the spark that Carol knew was in his eyes would never disappear. But it would dim, and he would never be the same again.

Carol hated that thought, hated it with everything she had that her little brother would waste away like she did. She refused to let it happen, refused it with and would do anything to stop it. Because Killua might hate her absence and what she did to earn it, but his spark would never fade. So she did what she had to.

"I will not leave, but you will. Leave this family, and never come back." She snarled, letting her aura take on a malicious tinge. She could feel Killua freeze, breathing heavily as she wrapped him in her En. She despised herself, despised her mind and it's changes, but she couldn't stop.

 **Don't ever come back, Kil.** She thought, resisting the urge to hug the boy tight to her chest. **We don't deserve you.**

_Of course, the boy would come back eventually for Alluka when he remembered her and was stronger. But Carol would be gone before he even reached Kurokoo Mountain._

"Off you go now." She withdrew her En and guided Killua back into his room. She left without a glance, summoning a Onyx horse as she went.

**(She was weak and a coward, she knew. But she couldn't leave Illumi, not unless Killua truly needed her.)**

Killua curled up into a ball on his bed, nearly hyperventilating. He didn't understand, couldn't understand, what just happened. Carol had always been the good one, the one who loved him and showed it in the way sisters should. Not like the rest of his family, who praised his abilities to withstand torture and his killing skills.

But he remembers how Carol wrapped him up in her aura, which was thick and suffocating. It was so much like Illumi's that he froze, remembering hundreds of training sessions with his brother.

His senses screamed, screamed at the danger - _the monster_ \- standing before him, practically begging for him to _runrunrun **RUN!**_

But he couldn't, because any movement might alert the being of his existence, any movement would be a weakness before such power. Because Killua was the heir and would be the strongest, but for now he was still a weak little child who couldn't even begin to compare to his older siblings.

It didn't matter if he did things better than Illumi did at his age or if he was a Transmuter, because he barely had a lick of experience, and had never been forced to face someone he could never defeat but somehow did it after numerous wounds and near-deaths.

Because he was too precious to be killed before his prime, so his family trained him first. And now Carol had used her power to force him to leave, so he could go on, leaving her behind. With Illumi.

What happened? Why was his family so, so twisted, so messed up in the worst of ways? Killua curled up tighter, shaking and shaking because Carol was leaving him, making him go forward at her own expense.

Stupid, stupid, Carol would do anything for him, but when it wasn't life-threatening she would stick to Illumi. She didn't love Killua in the same sick way he did, no, Illumi was her other half, the Yang to her Yin.

He almost laughed aloud at the comparison, which was unfortunately accurate. Carol had always told him that when Illumi and her were little, the man was like Killua, if more subdued. But then one night, when she was tucking him into bed, she would whispered to him, almost in a trance.

_Illumi broke because of his family, Kil. We loved each other, more than we did for anyone else, but it didn't save him in the end. We only delayed the inevitable. So fight, Kil, don't ever let this family, our family, destroy you. Drop dead before they ever do that._

Killua knew that Carol never really remembered what she said, because her consciousness would never let her get away with the treason underlining her words. Some deep-rooted instinct had whispered those words to him, never wanting his spark to die. And Killua followed it.

So he knew why Carol was so persistent in her staying but him leaving. Killua couldn't hate her for that, because in the end she wanted what was best for him because she loved him.

So he made up his mind and started packing his bags. He would leave and find Gon and the rest. Because maybe having friends and someone as bright as Gon would dull the hole in his heart.

**(It was stupid and just another method of running away, but it was better than the alternative, just like everything else he did.)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey, step right up to scream at me. 
> 
> Who's angry cuz I spilt our fav white-haired kids up? And in a bad way?
> 
> *considers running away*


	22. An new point of view

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo guys, just so you know go check on the chapter titled a sibling's love, I made an significant change in the next sentence after Killua thinks 'It was a sibling's love'.

Carol ran through the forest, spreading out her En to find Gon and the rest at the butler's quarters talking to Gotoh. She arrived and opened the door, striding in.

"Carol-san!" Gon cried out, running up to her. She hugged the boy automatically before noticing his wounds. She held him by the shoulders and poked his face lightly. "Ow! That hurts!" Gon complained, wiggling away. She tilted her head, knowing she had just touched a bruise on the boy's eye that had been cut open.

"Did Canary trash you?" She asked, chuckling as Leorio choked on air. "I'm sorry, ma'am. Mistress was watching..." Canary stepped up, trailing off as Carol waved a hand.

"You were doing your job. Besides, it worked out, didn't it? Oh, and Killua will be along shortly." She said, smiling. "Yay! You're the best, Carol-san!" Gon cheered, bouncing up and down.

"Did you play the coin trick again, Gotoh?" Carol questioned, holding a hand out. A coin smacked into her hand in answer. She tossed the coin around and with a series of snaps tossed the coin back and forth before using a feint and catching it in her right hand. She squeezing both hands quickly, destroying the coin. "Which one?" She offered her fists.

"That one!" Gon pointed to her right hand. Correct, if she hadn't destroyed the coin. "Wrong~" She sang, revealing both hands to be empty as she shook them out, along with the fine dust from the coin. Immediately Gon protested, demanding to know how she did it.

"I destroyed it. So remember Gon, even if you can see where the coin goes, be wary of tricks. Don't bet your life on silly games." She warned, flicking the boy's forehead. Gon pouted, rubbing his forehead.

"Well, I'll be off now. Take care of Killua, okay?" She smiled, ruffling the boy's spiky hair. "Of course!" Gon retorted, determination clear in his voice. Looks like Killua will be in good hands, she thought as she left. Now she just have to wait for Illumi to return home.

Carol was broken now, but her cracks kept healing and breaking. A good example of how Carol was doing was that sometimes she took two steps forward and one step back, or one step forward and two steps back. Most of the time she was stuck, unwilling to move. But the Hunter Exam had given her the small push she needed, the small act of rebellion tapping at her cage.

She still loved Illumi of course, and would never betray him again. But she wasn't meek or weak anymore. Carol had always been strong, but years of being beaten down had chipped at that. But her mind was clearer now, and she knew that just like Illumi, the Zoldyck training could no longer hurt them.

Carol didn't know why she was different now. She didn't know what the hell was wrong with her either. She thought she did, but recent events and whatever instinct had prompted her to make Seth had made her doubt herself.

Something was deeply wrong with her, in a way that would destroy normal people. But Carol wasn't normal. And she had plenty to live for.

* * *

Illumi loved Carol.

Carol loved him.

Illumi knew that, knew it from the moment he woke up with the woman curled up against him. Knew it before that, knew it when Carol looked to him for support after what he had done, knew it when she taught Killua to say his name first.

It had always been there, building up and up until it spilled over, and then it flowed into Carol. Carol was perfect, an angel that loved him. And so she needed to be protected. Kept within the mansion, away from the filth outside, away from the blood that would taint her pure white hair and pale hands.

Close to Killua, so she could teach the boy to be the greatest he could be, to be like his Aniki. Illumi had always known that Carol would never betray him, and that her leaving had only been a small weakness exploited by Killua.

She would come back, with the boy in tow. Illumi was both delighted and irritated when he saw them at the Exam. Delighted because he could see his wife and little brother so much sooner. Irritated at the scum talking freely to the two, irritated that he needed to remain hidden because Killua needed an lesson.

He loved the boy, truly, but sometimes he was annoyed by Killua's childish stubbornness. And then Carol.

Killua loved his precious big sister, adored and admired her power. Illumi was fine with that, because how could Killua not? But the fact that Carol loved the boy enough to bend the rules she always dutifully followed grated on his nerves.

Killua would be dead if he wasn't the heir and oh so loved by Illumi. But it was fine, because Illumi knew that Carol would always, always have him first. She was he's, and he was her's. And that was

all

**he**

_needed._

He didn't mind if Carol became a smaller, weaker version of herself. It just meant that she wouldn't disobey his rules. She still loved him. And now she was home, back where she belonged.

Killua was gone, but since Father ordered it Illumi couldn't stop it. Of course, he would keep checking up on the boy. His needle would stop the boy from getting into dangerous situations as well.

And he had completed an job on the way! Illumi smiled as he walked through the Testing Gates, pausing to pet Mike. He looked up, where the mansion nestled. Carol was waiting for him, along with most of his family.

As far as he was concerned, his life was as perfect as it could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS PPL


	23. Blood and water

Carol dreamt of blood. It pooled in her cupped hands, overflowing. It dripped from the ceiling and onto the floor and her. It stained her white hair red and splattered her porcelain skin.

She knew all this because in this dream, she could see.

And all around her lay broken, unfamiliar bodies that she felt like she should _know_. And it's terrifying, knowing they could be anyone she met or loved or never even seen when she still had eyes. But their features are perfect, and Carol can't shake the feeling she knows them.

Her eyes rest on a boy, and freezes. Because the boy had white hair dyed red from the blood and lifeless blue eyes. And his pale flesh was so like hers where it hasn't been wounded or bruised.

**Killua.**

The name came to her, soft and horrifying. She stared at the boy, which can't be Killua because she never saw him.

 **Remember Alluka and Nanika.** The thought rises, unbidden and Carol remembers Alluka's birth, and how when she touched the girl she had a clear image of her. She remembers an image of Nanika, with her albino skin and holes for eyes. But it doesn't make sense, because she didn't conjure an picture of Nanika when she saw her.

Carol is so, so confused and wants to scream when she sees their bodies, hands linked and looking like they're sleeping with their eyes closed. Then everything vanishes and Illumi is before her. He lay face down, hair spilling around him. Even in death he looked graceful.

Carol brings her knees to her chest, limbs now frozen in terror as she stares at the body before her. Illumi was dead _dead_ **dead** , and so was Killua and Alluka and Nanika. Her pillars supporting her unstable life toppling down.

Then Illumi moves and she screams. He looks up at her, blood trickling down his face and past his blank eyes.

 **This is your fault.** He whispers, and then everything goes dark.

Carol woke up in a cold sweat. What was that? She shudders, trying to shake away the dream. She looked around, noticing Illumi had already left. The man had ,gotten back a few days ago, but hadn't punished her. The man had praised her of all things, pleased that she came back and that it was because of Father's orders that Killua left.

"Good job at making Killua go without you. You didn't leave me." Illumi said, patting her head. She stiffened at the words. How did he know Carol had forced Killua to leave her behind? No, it was Illumi, of course he knew.

She leaned into his touch, soaking up the cold hand on her head. She needed Illumi, craved his ice-cold touch. She was undeniably trapped with him, and she loved it. Illumi smiled and gave her an hug, smoothing her white locks.

Carol hummed, relaxing in the surprisingly tender moment. She needed Illumi, and he needed her. Despite the pain and suffering she had gone through, she wouldn't have anything in exchange for her life.

**The world goes on.**

_It has no time for people who do not adapt._

* * *

Killua was drowning. He was sinking like an stone regardless of how hard he tried to kick his way to the surface. There wasn't any discomfort, but panic danced at his vision as the light grew smaller and smaller.

He was drowning in lies. In his own world.

_He wasn't afraid of his family._

_He left Carol behind because of Illumi._

_He didn't want to kill every irritating thug he met._

_He didn't mind being afraid of Zushi just because the boy happened to have Nen._

No, Killua lived without an care in the world, and the only one who beat his attitude was Gon. Sunny, cheerful Gon, sometimes so bright Killua couldn't see. Gon wasn't Carol, but it was good enough.

Good enough that Killua could have stress-free days. This was an truth, and it stopped Killua from sinking for an moment. Then the other lies - _lies so desperately believed that they became truth_ \- came crashing down, forcing him into the depths.

He thrashes, bubbles escaping from his lips as he paddles uselessly for the surface. Everything goes dark.

Killua wakes up. He gets up, greeting Gon and getting ready for breakfast. He doesn't remember his dream. Not like Carol did.

Because broken people might have nightmares, sometimes only the truly broken remember the ones that confront their demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is bad, I'm so sorry guys it looked better in my head.


	24. I don't know anymore

Carol tugged on Illumi's sleeve, causing the man to stop.

"Illu, Hisoka said there's going to be an meeting that everyone is attending at Yorknew tonight. Can we go?" She was mostly asking out of habit. Illumi paused, deliberating over his answer.

"I suppose we can go." Illumi said slowly, a little hesitant. "What? Really?!" Carol reeled, shocked by the admission. "Chrollo hired me for an job there. It'll take place an bit later, but I need to get there early first. I was going to take Kalluto too, so I might as well bring you along to go attend the meeting in my stead." Illumi explained, guiding her along.

"An job? Why would Chrollo hire an assassin for? The Troupe can kill pretty much anybody, so maybe it's some kind of distraction?" Carol mused as they walked to Kikyou's rooms. Illumi knocked on the door, waiting for the 'Come in!' before entering. Kikyou was seated at her dresser, brushing Kalluto's hair. Carol straightened, clasping her hands before her as they walked over.

"Mother, can we borrow Kalluto for an job? I want to give him more experience in being an assassin." Illumi asked, causing Kikyou to squeal. "Oh, my darling Illumi wants to spend time with his little sister! Such a lucky girl you are, Kalluto! Illumi only ever did this for Killua when he was younger!" Kikyou said happily, hurriedly getting Kalluto ready before presenting her to them.

"Thank you, Mother." Carol bowed, taking Kalluto by the hand. "Take good care of my Kalluto, won't you daughter-in-law?" Kikyou's voice sharpened, her fan snapping shut. Carol felt an shudder run down her spine and swallowed.

"Yes, Mother." She said stiffly, walking out. "I don't like your mother." She said to Illumi the moment they were out of earshot. "She's a bit too much, but easy to handle if careful." Illumi dismissed, opening the mansion doors. Carol scooped Kalluto up, smiling broadly at the girl.

"How have you been doing, Kallu?" She asked, keeping pace with Illumi. "...Fine. I miss Killua." Kalluto replied, gripping her fan. Carol nearly stumbled at the words, having pushed the name out of her mind for an while now.

"I know, I know. Everyone misses him too. But he'll be back soon enough." She replied softly. "Carol, walk faster." Illumi called from further down, interrupting her thoughts. "Yes!" She called back, shifting Kalluto to her back.

"Hmm, do you wanna race, Illumi?" She asked, bouncing over as an mischievous smile curled on her lip. "I suppose we haven't done that in a long time. Okay, first to Testing Gate, then open it. Ready? Go." Illumi replied, taking off. Carol was already moving, grinning in delight.

Kalluto shrieked, more surprised than fearful as they flew down the mountain, neck-to-neck with Illumi. Carol hummed, Onyx rising from the ground to give her an slick surface. Huge hands made from Onyx burst from the ground as they neared the Testing Gate, pushing it open. Carol stretched, giving it everything as she cleared the threshold.

"I won!" She cheered as Illumi pulled up next to her. "Well done." Illumi praised as she put a dazed Kalluto down. Carol smiled, following him down the mountain once more. Soon they were in the air, heading for Yorknew city.

"So what did Chrollo hire you for, Illumi?" She asked, resting her chin on her hand. "He wants me to kill the Ten Dons, but not now. Plus I have to manipulate them so it looks like they're fine." Illumi replied, Kalluto watching silently.

"The Ten Dons? That must have something to do with the Yorknew Auction. I heard Milluki talking about it, complaining about a game he couldn't copy. The Yorknew Auction will have all the rich and criminals from around the world. Then...I suppose the Phantom Troupe wishes to steal some goods on sale." Carol mused, analyzing the situation.

"Probably. But my mission is going to be a while from now, so we can just go to the meeting first." Illumi said, checking his phone. "Oh, Hisoka said Killua and that boy are at Heaven's Arena." Carol went rigid, waiting for Illumi's next words.

"Do you want to go see him? We have time." Illumi asked, earning a quick nod from her. "Alright then. Oh, Kalluto can go with you too. I need to do something first." Illumi continued, smiling as Kalluto gave him an hug. Carol relaxed, thrilled that Illumi was letting her go see Killua. He trusted her, trusted her to always come back.

It was a nice feeling.

~~It shouldn't be.~~

* * *

Killua followed Gon, humming to himself. They had made it to Level 200 in barely any time at all, and soon Gon would be challenging Hisoka. Killua worried about the boy, but since it was only one punch, Gon wouldn't die. He shuddered, hating the creepy clown.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Gon asked, suddenly springing up before him. "How you're going to lose, Baka!" He retorted, smirking. "Hey! Have more faith in me- Oh! Is that Carol-san?" Gon cut off, dashing away.

Killua froze, whipping his head around. Sure enough, Gon was now talking to his sister not too far off. Kalluto was hiding behind the woman, peering at Gon. What were they doing here? Both of them leaving the house was less likely than Milluki doing so. He smoothed his expression and jogged over before bursting.

"Nee-chan! Why are you here!" He shouted, tackling her. Carol laughed, picking him up and swinging him around.

"We had an job here, and Hisoka told me you two were at Heaven's Arena. This certainly brings back memories." Carol informed, looking in the direction of the tower. Killua studied his sister, looking for differences. She stood taller somehow, a more confident posture. He raised an eyebrow at Kalluto, who shrugged. Something had changed while he was gone.

"Now, how have you been doing in my absence?" Carol asked suddenly, turning back on them. "Great! We're learning Nen, and then I'm going to punch Hisoka in the face!" Gon said earnestly. Carol choked, wheezing because those words did not fit together in a sentence and said in Gon's cheery tone. Killua snickered too, watching Gon grow confused.

"Lofty goals for one so young. Well, best of luck. It'll be fun if you manage it, even if the man wasn't trying to kill you." Carol chuckled, ruffling the boy's spiky green hair.

"Well, we better go off now, Kalluto and I have an appointment soon. See you guys next time." Carol continued, placing an kiss on his forehead and an hug for Gon.

"What~ Can't you stay longer Carol-san?" Gon complained, clinging on. "I know, I know. But I have an job to do, okay? Bye Kil, take care of Gon and make sure he doesn't die, kay?" Killua relaxed at his sister's smile, waving goodbye to Kalluto too.

In an flash they were gone with Carol's supernatural speed. Gon gasped while he remained unfazed. It had been an surprise to see them, but somehow Carol had normalized it. It was still great.

He followed Gon, listening to the boy chatter on excitedly about what just happened. Killua hummed, just happy that his sister had visited him.

_So simple, so easily satisfied._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie im losing motivation for this fic


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